You, know… people are always telling me that I look like someone famous but can never put their finger on it. Thank you, Jessa Dugger's FiL… now i can tell them it's bc I'm Hitler's doppelgänger.

18 again knows, 18 again don't care.

Something positive about being overweight during the zombie apocalypse? I'll take it!

The restaurant is stirring up conflict for the sake of trying to be relevant.

My quesadilla maker. It's like a sandwich press or a waffle iron or something, but it just makes quesadillas. And it burns little pictures onto them, like a sun and mariachis and a cactus and stuff. It's wonderful. I use it far too often.

Again I pose the question: Why are you reading this

"Why do women string men along and make men think they're interested instead of giving us an honest answer?"

"Why don't women just tell us when they're not interested????" -Reddit

It knows...

I'd rather watch Josh Groban sing them.

Tweet Beat, now with 100% too much Jaden Smith.

Can Will Smith go on Kimmel and read Jaden Smith tweets out loud?

I don't know why, but Drake almost always seems to wear a 'breaking up speech' look on his face.

Stop making me ashamed to be from you, Louisiana! How can you have so many great gay bars and gay Mardi Gras krewes and yet be so backwards? Oh yeah, because Bobby Jindal. As longs that guy is running for President in his mind he'll do whatever it takes to keep gay marriage banned. Because marrying a woman after you…

I just read this article out loud to my husband and at the end of it, gave him a high five and said, "Ten more states, woo!" He laughed at me and I said, "Wait, no. 12?"

This is why picture messaging is disabled on my kids' cell phones. As I said to one of them: "you can send dick pictures when you're paying for your own cell phone and not a moment before."

When I got my wisdom teeth out, I had a very primal need to tell my mom that I felt weird. The gauze and cotton in my mouth was making it impossible to speak, so with great effort (because mostly, anesthesia made me sleepy), I spelled out "I feel weird" in sign language. My mom said, "You feel weird?" and I remember…

Wait. Are you the guy? Are you the guy who managed to make it 20+ years without having seen an egg cooked in any way but scrambled?

I explained to him that filet mignon is a steak, a very nice cut of beef. This guy actually argued with me, causing a big scene.

Ok sure, but when I have someone come in and check the lighting my husband's all "What are you doing, this is weird"