I went on a copper mine tour once (the closest I will ever come to a Paris fashion show), and there was a part when you climb into an old mining cart and get pulled through this cold, dank, super loud old mining shaft, and these parents behind us decided this would be a great experience for their newborn child, even…

I was an event coordinator and was witness to a bunch of taffeta draped train wrecks.

So did everyone have to wear hats? Did you get hats as parting gifts? Did they register at a haberdashery? Was this the wedding of the Cat in the Hat?

Hat-Themed wedding.

I'd have to go with my father's second wedding. He was marrying this total psycho bitch who only showed her true whackadoo colors after Dad proposed. Complete 180. She made me create her wedding invitations - handmade paper with chopped up rose petals mixed in. I was like, 10 years old. When she failed to teach me…

This is a wedding my parents went to, but it is hands down the most cringe-worthy wedding tale I know. My parents were invited to the wedding as friends of the groom's parents. The groom's family was pretty prominent in the local business community, so it was a big wedding - like at least 250+ people.

I have so many questions, Ziggy.

The 5 day wedding "weekend" in which the bride handed me a grocery sack and ordered me to collect 250 perfectly shaped river rocks.

Hey, remember that time when Family Guy didn't exist and Seth McFarlane wasn't being paid to make jokes on the Oscars about sexual assault?

omagah that beast is cute and weird!

#TeamModHat

Can we start referring to GM employees as "Jezebel Hats" and "Deadspin Hats" et al? I kind of want to now.

YER A JESUS, HARRY.

Typical HuffulePuff Hat

I've been hearing about this shit for two days now thanks to my girlfriend, who is goddamned obsessed. She also claims that for some reason, the author refers to Gryffindors or Slytherins as "Gryffindor Hats" and "Slytherin Hats" which bothers me WAY more than it has any right to, like a persistent nail dragging…

Thank you very much for your concern, sir, but he does not need your religion, he has science and socialism and birthdays.

this guy suddenly bursts into the room, dramatically waltzes up to us, and demands to know if we'd "seen his assistant."

Nobody puts Baby on the floor.

But! Does he sell monogrammed coffee thermoses?