You could reign in some David Cross fans if you called it UFuckingBaby.

Jim Tomsula’s a moonlightin’ sumbitch.

Ted Cruz is the kind of guy that would beg you to fuck him, call you a slut to all his friends after you did and then beg you for more a week later.

me: jesus, more? is this new?

Buffalo is like Rome under Caligula but without the art, culture, economic might, military power, political intrigue, international influence, and functional government.

You can tell he’s a true Bills fan because he’s so comfortable working from behind.

Two words: slug colony.

Meh, every good boy does fine eventually.

Technically it’s G-D-A-E on any violin

What about Charli XCX’s “Body of My Own”?

I miss TLC. They didn’t fuck around when it came to singing about sex. These songs are good, but they are so couched in double entendres, I can’t help but think that it’s a step back for women in pop music. I’m not sure if it’s an apt comparison, but that’s my contribution.

Oooh, I feel you! After he left Texas, he worked in the office of the large DC law firm where I worked. I can’t tell the story because it might out me but within days of arriving he established that he was such a greedy, arrogant, shitty human being that I came home from work and told my husband I wanted to punch that…

This redoubles my hope that he trips and falls into some particularly sharp patch of prickly pears.

“Without warning, Ted’s robe swung open; grinning, he reached to cover himself with his copy of Atlas Shrugged.”

This Coming Man.

let me take this opportunity to assure you that it is not mechanically possible to make sounds out of a piano as bad as inexpert violin-playing. i do get that self-consciousness, though. like, when i’m playing the same two bars of a tune over and over for ten minutes, in the tiny house i share with two other people.…

According to the report, the fight started after someone said, “The 76ers suck.”

He blew his clav out on a sack

Oh, get a quarterback? Just get a quarterback? Why don’t I strap on my quarterback helmet and squeeze down into a quarterback cannon and fire off into quarterback land, where quarterbacks grow on quarterbackies!

Kelly and the Eagles will be just fine. All these kids will graduate in three years and he will have a whole new recruiting class to better run his system with.