Don't tell me what to do.

You mock my art.

It's somehow fitting that his footwear will include bi polar bears.

(all together now)

These guys have such great energy - can't wait for the Thriller reenactment.

Look you guys, I am the only thing standing between you and the deliciuos, dunkable nugget that you're all after.

The Google Machine tells me that the average length of a NFL game in 2013 was 3 hours and 10 minutes, compared to the longest average game for MLB being 3 hours and 8 minutes (Fenway, 5-yr average). I was surprised that the NFL hasn't formed a similar committee, but then realized they were probably busy with other…

Clearly the Tigers fan is wearing a sports bra.

Coyle went on to state that his team will continue to stay in the gray until they are officially followed by Goodell. While this approach backfired on Incognito when his attempts at humor became visible for all to judge, he's confident that Tannehill will be seeing plenty of stars in the future.

Drive for show, put for doh.

Davis has released a statement apologizing for his role in the incident and requesting that the media respect their privacy.

[Trainer] "LeSean, what's 20% of $61.56?"

Until today, I was never really clear on who exactly was in the Funky Bunch.

Yeah, this is kind of my point though. There's not much to talk about, so they're going to blow this out of proportion. Let's be honest, in this case he didn't make trouble, he stood on a lunch table and acted like a jackass...and then ESPN addresses it like it has the weight of the Rice or Peterson story.…

Yes, these were my thoughts exactly (albeit vagina-free).

I'm no fan of Winston, but ESPN is blowing this out of proportion so they have something to talk about. Soapbox opportunity taken by Ponder and good on her for alluding to it. I'll blow it out of proportion too and say this is why we don't need hours of pregame coverage, just like we don't need 24 hour news coverage.

TL/DR:

Clearly the guy is just trying to get some crabs.

Gonna get in the ring on this one. It follows that the only NFLer who should be hitting women is Eric Decker.

Right, like this is the first time a redneck has mistaken a bus for his sister.