*Punch*
I don’t see myself as a violent person so it really hurts my feelings that you keep saying I’m punching you.
*punch punch*

They will refuse to eat.. and then get even more cranky because they are super hungry and exhausted from lack of food. Then they start screaming and crying and it’s the 3rd time in a week that you are trying to get them to eat something at all besides pure liquid corn syrup and suddenly throwing them out a window…

Many years ago at the group home for developmentally disabled teens where I worked there was a resident who really, really wanted to go to the best steak house in the city for his 18th birthday. He had behavior and anger issues, but was determined to earn that birthday dinner, and he managed it. So another staff…

I really feel like some of them are willfully ignorant. A large number of my coworkers are *shocked* that I eat carrots raw. Like, they never considered it an option. I had to explain tofu to a few of them. Tofu. It’s not new and it’s not trendy. I buy it at Walmart. I haven’t even tried to explain quinoa (which I…

The bartender who “doesn’t use vermouth ever” is in fact, then, not a real bartender.

I think our next behind closed ovens should feature commenters not getting super obvious jokes.

Well, if someone thinks they’re getting a great deal on German “bourbon,” there’s not much I can do for them. Except laugh at them. While drinking actual bourbon.

That may be true, but it’s not actually bourbon. The EU is weird and makes shit up, but even though some people call a bottle of sparkling wine from California champagne, it’s not actually champagne. There are literally federal regulations in the the U.S. about what constitutes bourbon, and being made here is one of…

Part of the problem is defining “bad service”. Serving tables involves an unknown yet constantly changing set of expectations. I’ve been yelled at by a customer for not clearing away his empty plate while his date was still eating, but I’ve also been yelled at by a customer for doing it because “You don’t touch a…

SHITTY TIPPING IS NOT A SYMPTOM OF MENTAL ILLNESS.

It’s not being picky that makes them assholes. It’s claiming to have a medical condition that they don’t have that makes them assholes.

This, yes. I live in a town where dietary restrictions are all the rage, and our menu easily accommodates most of these. At this point, when people request gluten-free I clarify: celiac, or preference? Because the former requires a quarantine and the latter does not, and I have shit to do. Tree nuts, honey, tomatoes…

Tbh, it’s not really a problem in restaurants (the pieces of tomato are either large enough to just pick off if they fuck it up, or it’s not something I can order anyway), but if I’m at a cookout or dinner party or whatever, the conversation is always

And of course they get called offensive names but YOUR issues are legit.

That’s a nutty comment. An Evanston comment? Like, really? You think Chicago cops aren’t corrupt?

And I’ve lived in Chicago almost my entire life and this commenter is fucking delusional.

Once, an 8-top of Christians left one of those “Here’s a Tip for You!” pamphlets on my table, in lieu of a cash tip. I was sort of used to this, so I didn’t remark much, just tossed it into the bus tub with the rest of the debris, and a glower.

I... Still do that pretty regularly. But only when drunk, and to my boyfriend. (“You should probably have a glass of water” “your mom should have a glass of water”)