Let's all be honest: we're going to have opinions no matter what Carrie says.

You don't know how opinions work. I can have one. You just don't have to give a shit about it.

Yep, and soy sauce straight out of the bottle. And road salt from the bag in the garage [hides head in shame]

I refused to believe my parents that unsweetened baker's chocolate would taste gross and threw a fit, so my parents let me try it to teach me a lesson.

Reminds me of contact solution. Same bottle, but one is regular saline solution while the other has hydrogen peroxide and is meant to be used with a special case to neutralize the acid. Except how the hell am I supposed to be able to tell the difference when I'M NOT WEARING CONTACTS AND CAN'T SEE?! Thanks for the…

Or not make them look like candy?

My SO's father told my SO that a slice of liver pate was fudge. Now he always double checks with his mom if his dad tries to offer him something.

uhhhhhhhhhh battle axes are badass, why don't we want a billion of them.

And, I'm sure other people can explain to you why the things you prefer to spend money on are stupid.

I mean, these are alright, but kind of a shadow of late 70s-80s country fashion. There was a period of such Dolly - Barbara Mandrell - Loretta Lynn gloriousness and unstoppability, to say nothing of the whole Yee Haw thing.

Better than a 13 thousand bees

An opportunity to eat 15 pounds of bread sounds like the Best Christmas Ever to me. Mmmm, bread.

I'm not one of those anti-marriage queers, but god damn, the amount people spend on that shit is mind blowing. How's about we just have a potluck shindig at the park after we hit the courthouse. Let some of those just married cans dangle from the back of the hatchback and call it a day.

Or be an adult and just get married at the courthouse and don't waste money?

I'm glad people are proud of voting, because I just went in there uninformed and left feeling like I should have done fifteen minutes of research. Half the questions were stuff I knew nothing about and left blank, like "Should Talizabeth Goodpussy stay on the Utah Supreme Court?" It never ever occurred to me that Utah…

He is judging me right now for my choice of stretchy yoga pants with the holes, but you know what? I judge him right back when he decides to lick his butt-hole in front of company.

"Firm & Sexy Beach Body"

It'll be my new completely unique recipe, Desperately Trying To Prevent Divorce Chicken! You'll never guess the secret ingredient!

If you're buying a $75 laptop you deserve what you get.

I think you're naive to believe that by 2020 we will even be eating Thanksgiving at all; I'm sure by then it will start at 4 a.m. on Thanksgiving morning and we will all have forgotten that we didn't used to celebrate it by punching a stranger in the face for a $100 television.