I can't imagine calling fucking 911 because of my own cat. I'd die of shame.

When you tack an extra letter on a bra cup size, it means bigger. DD is bigger than D (theoretically by one inch.) So when clothing companies started tacking extra zeroes on, I thought it meant the same thing and was really confused. "Double zero? What, your self-esteem's too delicate to wear a tag with a 2 on it?"

Gap brings to me another clothing issue - inconsistencies between the same size OF THE SAME BRAND. I have three pair of size 10 Modern Boot trousers (what can I say, they work on me.) Two fit great, one is too big. WTF GAP? THEY'RE THE SAME GODDMANED PANTS?

I have no fucking idea what his third Tweet even means. He's not just a rapist, he's an illiterate rapist.

My suspicions were raised when they wrote "HOLY SHIT VENOMOUS SNAKE!!!" but then didn't specify what kind of snake.

Jesus Christ, that thing is scarier looking than most snakes.

I was just saying "How is True Detective a series and American Horror Story a mini-series?"

I was about to post the "not sure if serious."

I'm a white person who grew up around mostly white people and I made it to 19 or 20 before learning this is offensive. (I wasn't doing it previously because it never occurred to me to do so, but read an account of a harassment case where it was done. At first I thought "huh?" but then "OK, yeah. I can see why that's…

"Maybe we can teach the kids how to brush their teeth too."

The idea of exercising without weight loss being the primary goal seems to blow some people's minds.

Nothing drains me of energy more quickly than being hot. Intentionally adding heat to planned physical activity was always a no-go for me. Great for people who like it but I'd rather chew tinfoil.

I'm only kinda-sorta into yoga. But I didn't realize the focus of "hot" was supposed to be weight loss.

FU I was a senior in college.

Frosting vessels. I like.

It's called New Orleans. :)

We need a custard craze. Frozen custard was kind of thing a few years back, but I wanna see crazy (non-frozen) custard flavors and custard carts on Broadway.

You can't always find the stairs.

Keep your feet off the furniture unless it's your own. Seriously, I got called a prissy pearl clutcher a few weeks ago for saying it's tacky to put your feet up on the furniture in public. No one wants to sit in the shit you've been walking in. Or look at it on the soles of the shoes you're putting on display.

I'd love to know what was actually going on in that Bullock/James pic. Given the way that ended, it seems too appropriate to have actually happened. "WTF THIS GUY?"