I once tried to discuss Looking for Mr. Goodbar with someone who clearly had only seen the movie but insisted she'd read the book. I didn't get it; Looking for Mr. Goodbar is not exactly A Great American Classic. I wouldn't have judged her for not having read it but I sure judged for lying about it.

I want coffee with room for milk. That's all I want. I always end up in line behind 6 people who want half caf skinny soy with extra foam and 2 shots. Then I give up and walk two blocks to a deli even though there's a Starbucks across the street from my work. If I don't give up, there are 3 European tourists hanging…

I don't know about self esteem, but my bank account definitely improved when I stopped. I think of myself as fairly resistant to marketing, but I didn't even realize how much makeup and crap those things were talking me into buying until I stopped reading them.

I sneer at preconceived notions of what's acceptable food for any meal! Steak for breakfast and pancakes for dinner!

I think it depends on the individual and dietary suggestions aren't the one-size-fits-all thing the FDA tries to make them out to be.

I LOVE breakfast food. For dinner.

I always wondered how forcing myself to eat when I'm the exact opposite of hungry was supposed to help me lose weight.

I was once taken to the ER by ambulance with stroke symptoms and the intake nurse yelled at me for taking up their time with a non-emergency and left me sitting in the waiting room for 2 hours. I finally said "well, if I'm gonna die from not getting medical treatment, I'm gonna do it in the comfort of my own home" and…

I definitely have binge eating disorder and am probably an alcoholic. Actively recovering from the former, not even trying with the latter. In fact, after promising the universe that I would quit drinking if I got a job I really wanted, then not getting it, I'm wondering if the universe actually wants me to drink…

Then respond to those people, not an item that didn't say only men are crazy.

I once had a man respond to my rejection by calling me a "total bitch" and "complete weirdo." Never explained why he asked me on a 3rd date if I'm such a weird bitch.

"Or a person who wants a relationship who hates people."

Who said only men are crazy?

I don't understand how anyone gets to the wedding altar anymore. The few times I tried online dating, I found that apparently "relationships" now consist of texting demands for pictures, then disappearing off the face of the earth when an actual meeting is requested. If I knew anyone in a IRL relationship, I'd beg…

Syfers. We read that one in writing class at nerd camp when I was 13. The boys in the class giggled hysterically throughout because SHE'S A WOMAN but she wants a WIFE!!! Get it?? SHE'S A LESBIAN heeheeheeheeheeheehee!!!!!

Speaking of needing to chill out...

There was a time when "stepping out" meant cheating on your partner. That was back in the days when "red" meant Commie, not Republican.

I've been saying for years that I would totally volunteer for Girl Scouts ... if I could stand being around children for more than 10 minutes at a time. I totally want girls to have everything the organization provides, just provided to them by someone not me.

I could take or leave Don't Trust the Bitch but I love the name Nahnatchka.

I don't see how I'm being roped into the mommy wars. Did I miss something?