Boy am i glad i work in a floor where there are several toilets and with only a handful of people.

I was one of those people terrified of pooping at my office until I went to jail. If it happens now it happens. I can at least take comfort in the fact that I have a stall with a door and I’m not doing it in front of an audience. Thanks, jail.

Oh my God...just flush while you poop. It covers up any errant sound AND reduces the potential smell.

Many a man is embarrassed about all this too, we’ve just come up with a different way of dealing with it. In general, we prefer to warp reality and pretend that there are no other men in the bathroom, and typically do not speak to one another for almost any reason while inside. The man in the stall next to you does…

A few months ago they remodeled the office bathroom and took out a stall. Now there’s a line half the time because there are so many women on this floor. By 4:00 PM we usually start running out toilet paper in some of the stalls. So I decided to try a bathroom on another floor and discovered they have MUSIC in the 3^rd…

Madeleine. Thanks so much for giving us these increasingly vibrant pieces that signify the emergence of an Author (which is not to say that a journalist is not that). I have delighted in watching you venture just a little further out, stroke by unhurried stroke - ALWAYS mindful of form. It’s always a miracle to find…

Ah, the lesser known R.E.M. ballad.

So, theres a secret bathroom on my wing at work... it used to serve as a handicap bathroom when the unit was used as a patient area. When they turned it into an office area they never changed the lock BUT the admin and clinical staff were not given the key, were never told about it and just think it’s part of an old…

everybody poops...sometimes.

Also please do not spray a whole can of air freshener/deodorant in the stall after you poop!

I went into the multi-stall bathroom to poop one day at my former employer, lo and behold the CEO was at the sink applying her makeup. I didn’t want to panic and run out like a freak, so I just sat on the pot in silence until she got the hint and began running the faucet. God bless that woman. She’s the real MVP.

Yeah, men face this with juvenile humor. Once at my last employer, A and B were in adjoining stalls, and A was noisily taking care of business. To which B responded, “Light a match and I’m a dead man.” Raucous laughter from A, likely devolving into a coughing fit. (I wasn’t there. Yes, B shared this story later.)

My wife doesn’t but my young daughter most definitely does, so apparently somewhere between 1.5 and 22 they stop.

I confess I take perverse joy in loudly shitting when a certain coworker is in the restroom because she’s always ON HER FUCKING CELL PHONE HAVING CONVERSATIONS IN THE WOMEN’S RESTROOM. No. Fuck that. We have multiple perfectly good hallways to have that personal call in.

To be fair....sometimes you need the industrial strength toilet. I’m not passing bricks, but my toilet at home is wimpy and will clog if you look at it wrong. The toilets at work were built to handle anything.

This is me sans the coffee. I even get nervous thinking people are going to recognize my shoes. I did work with one b*tch who came back from the bathroom telling the whole office that the bathroom smelled like shit and how disgusted she was. I asked her what she thinks happens in there and this moment has remained in…

Find a stall with a good locking mechanism and the smallest gap between the door and frame or you spend the whole time with a leg or arm stuck out in an awkward position which make the fecal elimination act even harder.

Recently transitioned from using the women’s to the men’s room. I knew some women plan their day around NOT pooping at a public/work restroom, my wife one of them. What I didn’t realize is some men plan there day to poop in a public/work restroom.

Girls poop?

Eat more fiber and drink lots of water. Be ready to flush as soon as gravity takes over the process. Nobody will be the wiser. Or flush right before to make other sounds impossible to discern.