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I must be comprised mostly of superluminal particles because baryonic matter configured as Ritalin slows me down... according to my wife.

Hey baby, that makes me hot!

I find your existence in linear time quaint.

Does this mean that Google will fall in love with him?

Stop twisting the spoon in the wound of my feels

To me this is a child of the “men are too weak to control themselves” argument where the bro/man argues that “merely being in the presence of an attractive woman/girl produces an unstoppable NEED for sexual release”.

Sadly urbandictionary was more useful here:

Also: just the unique look of The NYC Library’s card catalog instantly triggered this memory:

Questionable Content #2037; little android girl starts her job at the library desk:

I have zero context for this show but the picture reminded me of Jessica Rabbit.

There are times exemplified by this exact situation where I am OH SO HAPPY that I’m completely oblivious to celebrity shenanigans.

See also Questionable Content #2050:

Dubstep.

Shoot, my mommy just put the big headphones on her belly and piped in Pink Elephants on Parade and all available Pink Floyd music.

I royally screwed with my SC high school by doing a report on the history of abortion laws in America for my US Government class.

You mean I’m not supposed to cook for my wife or any cleaning around the house?

As a geek who has too frequently been compared to Sheldon I would expect that the two of them would have matching whiteboards with lists of erogenous zones sorted from least to most common.

This was so bad I immediately erased it from my browsing history; I’d sooner leave in filthy filthy smut.

Fanfiction.net is showing over 730,000 Harry Potter stories. It is the single biggest category.