I heard a...Radiolab?...where they talked to doctors and most of the doctors said they don’t want CPR performed on them because it has such a low chance of success. Yeah, it was this one: http://www.radiolab.org/story/262588-bitter-end/

CPR isn’t even super effective. And even I, a non-medical professional, knew that. Because I read sometimes. Rick Santorum is an intellectually incurious dolt.

If Rick Santorum was ever shot, I truly hope someone performs CPR on him.

My Mexican-American brother-in-law is a walking, talking MAGA hat.

Good God Eric is fucking ugly as sin.

I feel your pain. I also have one of those nephews who has immersed himself in that right wing bubble, has memorized all the right wing talking points, and has lost the ability to think K for himself.

“Don’t fuck me, daddy”

Trump was a dem ... until America elected a black man and he lost his mind.

I just want you to know that GenX was fed the same bullshit Millenials were fed but we have been all but forgotten. Really, Millenials are just an extension of the broken paradigm that afflicted GenX. But no one talks about us anymore.

You are referring to GenZ; iGen is utilized in work environments to refer to an intergenerational workforce.

Odds PornHub waits until all these yokel jagoffs migrate over and then bans them all?

Officer: “Do you know why I pulled you over?”

Jesus took the wheel, and apparently didn’t do that great a job of it.

What the fuck is worth going to Maryland for in the first place?

Let me preface by saying that I don’t even have Kevin Federline child support level money or that I am opposed to child support, but I heard the example recently that “one parent shouldn’t be able to take the kid to Disney World while the other parent eats ramen.” Given that is literally the scenario with my ex and…

I promise if you only consume vodka you will totally lose weight. There might be some side effects.

The Potato Diet sounds great.

I somehow got on a mailing list for all of Don’s “personal surveys” begging us to tell him that we all really love him. I fill them out, politely explaining why he’s an embarrassment to the Presidency, the U.S., and the entire human race, and—I know it’s petty, stupid, and pointless—when asked, “Is there anything else…

Sounds like the evil bizarro universe version of Rankin/Bass.

I picture you typing this from a church pew as you clutch your JC Penny pearl necklace.