So your friend is a huge asshole, is that the takeaway?

That is an excellent takeaway.

Too soon...to take him in the draft when Derrick Brooks was still on the board.

Usually I ask my dog if “this guy is for fucking serious?” and when he just stares at me with a blank dumb expression I realize how ridiculous the whole situation is...

Juan Uribe sticks dick and balls in cup: “See, I told you grande wasn’t big enough.”

I mean... its Florida.

I think you have the shootings backwards. I think. Boston shooting first, then Florida shooting second.

Oh yeah, I forgot that Pizzagate was a thing...

It took until the very last one for me to realize that these are all made up.

He traveled...

Ok, yeah that makes sense.... now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to polish off the rest of this tub of Garrett’s Chicago Mix that my mom got me for Christmas...

No love for Leicester City?

I watched a movie online in incognito mode that started out just like this

Should I start Kirk Cousins over Russell Wilson this week? I normally wouldn’t want to bother the fine commentators of this site with fantasy football advice, but I’ve gone from last place in the regular season to the god damn championship game in my office league. Everyone hates the guy I’m playing, and he has won…

This is true - my buddy just got a brand new GTI, and its pretty awesome - my only gripe is that it only takes premium (well, you should only give it premium, I guess), which he found out the hard way after putting regular in the tank and then trying to give it the beans on the expressway.

Actual Millennial: “Cars I would consider buying? I dunno, the Fiesta ST is pretty great... oh hold on, I have to take a quick phone call, excuse me, I’ll be right back.”

Can I get an ELI5 explanation of this?

Historians believe most were destroyed in some sort of ancient sacrificial ritual known only as “the Rose Bowl”

Does anyone else feel like these new “Driver Safety Aids” are just selling points for idiots who can’t drive? The only ones I’ve been actually impressed with are back-up cameras and blind spot warnings, and even then, neither of those are deal breakers - they’re just nice to have... I cannot fathom why anyone would…

After being unable to match the suspect’s face in the video with any staff photos, Elite believes that this may have been the work of a Stranger.