In the Year of Darkness, 2016, the management of the Bears devised the ultimate plan. They would reshape the Future by changing their Draft Position. The plan required something that had no pity. No pain. No arm strength. Something unstoppable... They created ‘BRIAN HOYER’.

Well, until Puppy-mill-ghazi, I’m on board - I especially dig the TD celebration with Crabtree. Very neat.

Its only “Locker Room Talk” if you’re bullying Jonathan Martin.

I can get down with that, perhaps I should reconsider his placement on the “Mid-to-late 90s Kerry Collins/Tim Tebow Index”

I’m guessing that puts him about here on the religious athlete index:

Is it safe to like Derek Carr? I’m a fan of everything I saw right here, and I don’t want to get in too deep just to find out he grabs people by the pussy or is the second coming of Tim Tebow...

As a Cubs fan, should I hate the White Sox? Is this a thing for fans in cities that have multiple teams in the same sport? Kind of makes sense, right?

+Torts

Fellas, fellas, FELLAS! We’re all forgetting one thing here - sure we may not all agree on who to root for, and yes if the Cubbies win the whole thing we as a group of fans will be insufferable (I know I absolutely will be)...

I don’t know if I can bring myself to root for Dusty Baker after ruining Mark Prior...

Anyone with a little insight into the situation have any idea how much the lack of her going to the police/get the rape kit done is going to affect her case? Does this being a civil case versus a criminal one matter in that regard?

In Chicago

“Why you should root for the Giants

Fuck you then, you’re the guy that makes the rest of the turn lane miss the god damn green arrow! DIE IN A FIRE!!!!

He has such a Cruz-able face, its really uncanny

I don’t know, Leicester City seemed to do alright...

I was told once that if I ever wanted free parking in the players’ lot to just tell the security guy that I was an umpire - I absolutely lack the balls to try this...

You deserve all the stars, my friend

Those are the little nut candies in the gold foil, right?

...but he would have a secret gay boyfriend named Sergio.