Man, if he ain’t The Turtle, I’ll shed my shell.

“I did not have pee pee relations with those women. They may have peed on me but that depends upon what the meaning of the word ‘pee’ is.”

Where is Olympia when we need her? Gosh, I miss her. As for Collins, no surprise. She needs District 2 - Trumpistan. “Liberal” District 1 seems to have lost its sway.

There is a rumor circulating that Bill is a dick. Is this true?

He always considered himself a golden boy. Alas, the rain is piddling upon him now. A dripping sad sack. Loser.

What is that tiny thing in his hands?

Let the golden showers fall upon those who are deserving.

[Muted sobbing across the nation.]

Was it Donald or Svetlana and Annushka that got rained on in that Moscow penthouse?

This report should be whipped out immediately!

Reports are coming into CNN that Trump Tower is on fire. Witnesses report a seething President-elect Donald Trump has spontaneously combusted. With smoke coming of his wherever. His last words are reported as, “That f - ing double crossing Vlad!” More at 11.

If he has not been turned, he most certainly is Vlad’s stooge.

“The most efficient type of government is a government run by one man.”

1853 will be a good year. I hear it will start sometime in March.

She looked the deity (God) in the eye and saw....the enemy.

That damned liberal Constitution. Written by socialist. Edited by communists.

We always miss loving grown ups when they finally leave the White House.

Obama in a suit will always look great when dealing with this baby:

AP. News flash. Mar el Lago. The Defense Department announced today that LCS USS Independence at 2 AM EST apprehended a surfaced Russian submarine (likely Acula class) in Palm Beach waters. Witnesses report a large cache of Petrossian Royal Transmontanus caviar, Tovaritch vodka, nubile “dancing girls,” and multiple…

Tuck graduated from St. George’s School and Trinity College. With majors in Upper Crust Smugness and Women May Carry My Spawn. Total psuedo-Ivy League entitled shit bag. (Along with nearly all FOX “intellectuals” although they can not even come close to being psuedo. Just simple down home shit bags.)