You failed to mention the enclosed $49 million Target gift card.

A Cleveland Browns fan getting betrayed and abused by the thing he loves should hardly be newsworthy at this point, Samer.

She'll be okay. It's all downhill from here.

So one of the biggest influences of my life was Topgun instructor and photographer C.J. Heatley. After buying his book of incredible Naval Aviation photography when I was a kid -way back in 1986- I vowed to be either a photographer or a Navy pilot or both if I could! My lack of 20/20 vision dashed the pilot dream but …

And people say there isn't enough scoring in soccer

Sortland had a blanket, a cell phone and a box of Wheat Thins with him.

That's the exact reaction I had when Gladiator beat out Chocolat for Best Picture at the 2000 Academy Awards.

Jerry Jones is always weirdly hands-on.

So that one day it'll be so thin you can shave your face.

he tried to sideswipe the vehicle and missed us by a foot

He concluded by saying "this is no way for a sex machine to act."

TV crew made a nice camera transition to rapist Ben Roethlisberger before the commercial.

I have to be honest, the last person I would expect to give such an eloquent speech about domestic violence is a guy named James Brown.

I'm cool with what he said because he wasn't trying to take my guns away.

The handrail in the elevator has also expressed regret for its involvement.

And just when things were going so well for the city of St. Louis.

The athletic department became worried about Bitsko's condition when his tutor reported that the guy couldn't get out of bed for morning class to save his life.

Not sure how his quarterbacking career will end up, can he just skip ahead to being the owner of the Titans.

One of the few cases where "That's not my face" would have been a perfectly valid statement.