I’ve never even heard of “just mint chocolate ice cream, but no chocolate chips.” And how can the chipped one taste like toothpaste but not the other one? 

Plain Hershey bars taste like roofing shingles.

My grandparents (descendants of Polish immigrants) ran a bar on the South Side of Chicago which “sponsored” (ie, funneled) Polish immigrants to the US. So. Yeah.

“Released the same day, Volar paid no bail and was never summoned to court. He remained free while police and prosecutors continued their investigation.”

I wonder what it's like, to live somewhere that people aren't *surprised by winter every single year like it's never happened before.*

They took his bacons??

HOOO BOY that tidbit brought out the weirdos. 

I’m not even a parent and this is fascinating. 

I had a dream last night that I beat him to death with a black stiletto heel.

NOT having one when you get stopped (and are brown) is an automatic trip to the clink. So if all *these people* have IDs, imagine how hard ICE will have to work to determine the Real Bad Hombres! DUH.

*adjusts tinfoil hat*

Oh good, someone in his mentions @’ed trump to “expose.” Yes, let’s get that dickless blowhard yapping about the Lysol conspiracy all over faux news.

“Nice casket you got. Be a shame if something happened to it." 

I’ve also asked “do you sell these?” (usually in regards to tiki or some other oddly shaped drinking glass). And now I own them!

We need more Rudy on planet earth.

I also ate at a Pizza Hut when I was in Spain. We ate plenty of Spanish food too, but at some point jet lag and hanger catch up.

“Perhaps you should wear some sort of bird costume to the supermarket for the next few weeks to blend in”

“which punishes students who come to school “with the smell of alcohol/marijuana on his/her breath/person or showing signs of consumption regardless of when or where the marijuana/alcoholic beverage was consumed.”

I get insurance thru my employer, but if I were laid off and had to buy it myself (COBRA), it would cost over $1200 a month. 

You better get on that Wikipedia edit then, Mr. Fun At Parties.