You burned a human effigy. Humanity restored. Trump Souls.

Shitty movie or not, when do we get to stop hearing “life-long comic nerds” complain about what Hollywood, a money-making enterprise, does to their beloved caricatures of what actual human beings are like? Who cares. Read your books.

So the last we’ll see of him is in a Middlesbrough warm-up, sadly embracing the bench?

Let’s be real. He was in a jolly mood because she’s a cute blonde in a low-cut shirt. Or maybe he doesn’t see tits, just people.

Mo, Guardiola, Pochettino, Benitez, Klopp and old clam Wenger. What a hell of a season we’ll have come August!

God damnit. Where am I gonna get my annoyingly half-way decent, Arsenal-biased soccer news now that Gawker’s bank account is royally fucked?

Aww I’m gonna miss posts like this. I assume you guys have already begun to look for new jobs, what with the impending financial ruin of your employer?

“Here’s a new way to experience our $400 console. A $400 dollar pair of goggles that may or may not make you ill! The future is here.” No thanks.

One could also argue that it’s more charity than some Deadspin readers will give in their lifetime. But seriously, fuck PSV and their fans. Being rude is all they have because the glory days of Dutch football are long gone.

Destination? Paris will need a striker this summer. Maybe Man U? Though Everton will be more than reluctant to sell him in the league.

What are sequel ideas for Fantastic Mr. Fox Alex?

Get that something special for the King Joffrey in your life.

Please and thank you.

Not so hot take: Leviathan is the better album. Also, Jack3d makes you feel like the living embodiment of any track off of Converge’s Jane Doe record, at the very least. PS. Fuck pre-workouts. Black coffee a liter of water and I’m good to go.

Innsmouth? This isn’t where I parked my car.

Doggy Nosferatu! It lives.

Haha! Calling out Billy on his bad summer takes. Everyone makes mistakes my man.

Don’t concern yourself with the bloviating of stupid windbags so much Billy. All this man has control over is a meaningless pre-season tournament. I’m sure he’s also a Trump supporter. #makemanugreatagain

All he does is win. Unless it’s in the Finals.