I find his overly-tanned hide and disingenuous smile to be the most disturbing things about Ronaldo. His ego is a distant second.

I’d rather eat mounds of asparagus and then piss on any Chelsea jersey than buy one just because it has a dual-passport American’s name on the back. But I wish him the best of luck.

The Eredivisie has maybe 3 or 4 teams that are more talented than the MLS table. That’s it. That league no longer sets the world on fire. This isn’t the 70's Billy. I think what Chozo means is that Chelsea buy young players only to loan them out all over the world. Miazga will have to come in and immediately stand out…

Wonder what his backhand looks like?

That is either the saddest, or the single greatest movie library of all time. Bye Felicia!

His amateur porn dabbling ex-girlfriend probably thinks the same thing about him.

I’m surprised Simmons wasn’t too busy gagging on the rotting dick of Red Auerbach.

Hot takes in the comments section. Lukewarm take from you Greg. Who gives a shit how bad he is? It doesn’t diminish what Lamar is doing simply because some white ass-hat beat him out for a useless award once.

This is still haunting the Internet, eh?

This dude’s disconnect with reality is staggering.

Shelvey is 23? Huh. Every time I see him playing I just assume he’s about 27-30 and never really panned out.

Fuck Barcelona and their bank-backed wallets. Then again, fuck the oligarchs who own everyone else. Gah, European soccer why do I love thee?

And they called it “puppy love.”

Magical Missed Sparkle Opportunities

Sounds like somebody just got back from a good night of frog giggin.

Stunning and brave.

Maybe what you’re witnessing is Frank dragging home Steve, who had a little too much whiskey down by the port and needed a good old-fashioned bro rat to get him back to Marg and the three kids safely.

I hope Zidane runs this team into the ground and they barely qualify for the fucking Europa League.

A whole new meaning to the phrase “hot seat.”