By that logic I am not going to raise my kid to a productive, responsible adult because my only child can’t “couterbalance” all those kids who weren’t raised right.

For sure gotta drink/eat what you like, for some things like a corona that damn near tastes like water I treat it like ice water and add a lemon. (I know everyone is saying no it’s a lime, but like you said do what you like.)

I once lived near a place that had the largest beer selection I had ever seen.

There is no such thing as boneless wings. 

“If you have to add a lime wedge to your beer to mask its flavor, your beer is bad.”

I read this after lunch too, my solution was lunch 2.o

The only time I had Popeye’s was on a road trip and we stopped at a truck stop that had a Popeye’s and a McDs next door.

Just use your old pantyhose.

Thank you for making me see something I didn't originally see. (But did I really want to see it?)

I see everyone is going to milk these puns for all they're worth. 

I am sure the mountain dew my buddy distills is damn near the mountain dew of years ago.

Great, now I have an imaginary banjo playing in my head. 

I am literally on transit right now drinking beer in a styrofoam cup through a straw. 

No beer, karaoke, Utah...I can’t get the image of people doing shitty Donny and Marie covers out of my head. 

I live in Washington State and a few years back we went to privatised liquor sales. I was all for it until the state taxed the fuck out of it and basically doubled the price.

The best sammich is cheap ass white bread, Oscar Meyer bologna, processed cheese, mayo and mustard made with dirty camping/fishing hands rinsed off in the creek with my daughter.

I would never say that about my penis.

Yep brakes went out, no use steering.

Just to add to the conversation about what not to put in your vagina...DO NOT PUT SHANE'S DICK IN YOUR VAGINA! 

“What do you think happens to animals in the wild?” I am assuming that scavengers come to eat the carcass.