Tom, should you focus on his penis when his balls are the real story? I understand the confusion since there’s not a vas deferens between the two.

This was always going to be a shitty week given that DACA was rescinded. But as a Pats fan who lives on St Thomas, and who hasn’t heard from anyone in 24 hours, has no idea if his office or home are still standing, and has no idea when he can go home, this is pretty much the only thing in my life that I’m going to…

As a Stephen King fan, the only question I ever want to ask the man is ‘Why did you decide that the way to defeat evil was a child gang bang? Why?’

It is amazing to me how consistently these motherfuckers can screw up difficult situations that need even the tiniest bit of a soft touch and any consideration whatsoever for the players, or really anything besides the money, involved.

Fucking weather, getting in the way of our football! GOD DAMNIT

We call people like you a “mark.”

I’ll trade it for their not shooting any 12-year-olds with little warning and then lying to cover it up.

She packs her packs tonight, pre flight.

He’s a coma surviving, ambulance-ridin, doctors orders abidin’, nurse kissing, still-alive son-of-a-bitch!

—Everyone who ever loaned money to Ric Flair

Ah yes, Rick Flair. I remember his classic matches with Hank Hogan and Andrew the Really Tall Guy.

Is Joe Flacco Matt Stafford elite?

LOL. Except the neighbor doesn’t make a living off the dog barking... and the dog isn’t getting paid to bark.

As Cassini’s tour of Saturn +COMES+ to a close, NASA’s getting a bit nostalgic.

Defibrilator kits must be made mandatory for all professional, collegiate, and amateur sidelines. Period.

To be fair, it’s a Train, not an orgy. They each have a turn.

The guy from the pizza place was right!

PENDING APPROVAL

Well, when you dress up and make your living being something that people are instinctually afraid of (see various studies on the subject, e.g. the 2008 Sheffield study that shows most children dislike clowns, studies that found high overlap between qualities people consider “creepy” and those possessed by clowns...),…