A real map of Portland would have waaaay more strip clubs on it.

I have nothing to back this up but I feel confident guaranteeing that balls make more heat than internal genitalia. They're super annoying, mostly inconvenient and literally useless except when making children but anytime you have more skin-on-skin contact you will have more warmth. Or did we not all watch the episode…

Shave ice not shaved ice.

Just fucking hire Rex already and spice up those 2 gimme games every year for Peyton.

Does a great job highlighting why people hate New England fans. "Hey, what do you think about this website that your kid works for?" "Yeah, the Pats are going all the way this year! We're the greatest!"

When I vacuumed my carpet with my animal Dyson for the first time, the carpet changed color. I have wall-to-wall carpet and 2 Siamese cats, so trust me when I say this will do the job better than anything you've seen before.

When I vacuumed my carpet with my animal Dyson for the first time, the carpet changed color. I have wall-to-wall…

This is such a good suggestion I'm sure the Browns and Raiders are already considering firing their coaches to install you. JJ Watt would make the RedZone even more fun than anytime they cut to the Rams punting.

Have you been waiting months to do this? That is unfathomably sad. Also sad? Those are primetime ratings, dipshit. Eagles-Cowboys was during the day, so obviously it wouldn't place in primetime ratings, dipshit. Didn't you notice NO other football games on that list?

Luck over Stafford? That's some Viking fan bullshit right there. Stafford seems like he'd be a decently fun guy but Andrew Luck seems like he might still be a virgin.

If you're going to the store can you pick me up chips, pop and a bar?

As opposed to going to the soda fountain and getting a soda from a soda jerk? Sounds just as dated if you want it to, dummy.

Yes, and sometimes white people think the things that matter the most to them are actually the most important things.

They kinda started the "in poor taste" battle when they decided to harass people trying to do their dinner shopping. Made me laugh to beat the band though.

Whoooole lotta white people in this video...

"Black child shot by cop" is basically a daily news story so pardon me if I'm out of fucks to give for the turkey I'm eating tomorrow.

WEED.

My go-to insult right now is "if you were any dumber people would think you were one of Will Smith's kids."

No one who's ever been to Wang Chung's would say that karaoke bars are bad. Had one of the best nights of my life there and I highly encourage everyone to do the same at least once in their life. Legendary music selection, amazing staff and some of the best tasting drinks you'll ever try.

Ignore the idiots saying Kanye. People love Kanye and he's critically acclaimed. Nickelback is rock music for people who don't much care for music, therefore the equivalent would be Macklemore.

Remember how it had the gold cartridge because it wasn't an officially licensed Nintendo product? I never knew that as a kid, just thought it looked cool as hell.