Anything anyone else ever does that doesn't affect us directly is something we technically "shouldn't care about." But look at that asshole in his stupid sports car/truck/Hummer. Look at the hideous outfit that woman is wearing. Look at how dumb those hipsters look with their Hitler Youth haircuts. If you've never…

I am an absolute blast at parties, the other day 3 people shrieked with excitement over being invited to my wedding. As for being 50, you seem to confuse "caring about" something with "making fun" of something. I don't give a rat's ass if you want to look like a 4 year old's colouring book, but I do enjoy making fun…

People know The Matrix is about taking acid, right?

Oh, I didn't mean your tattoos, just everyone else's. Yours are interesting and meaningful and definitely not ugly at all. While most people's tattoos make them look unoriginal and boring, yours make you a special, unique individual. Your lobes make people want to fucking puke though, you should seek cosmetic surgery…

People are going to judge me regardless of how I feel about it. That's the risk I take having a screen name like this, but I can't let that bother me. Similarly, if someone has tattoos, they shouldn't care what I think about them. If they do, they don't seem like the sort of person who should have made permanent body…

I cannot wait until I'm 50 and I can make fun of all the people from my generation who don't understand how time works and looked like rained-on old newspapers as a result. Almost as bad as all the assholes with giant holes in their ears.

I believe he is a one man gang, a la the 1980s pro wrestler, The One Man Gang.

Your brother is not necessarily a douche, he just makes very poor aesthetic choices, as have all people with tattoo sleeves. My sister just gave birth and posted a pic of the baby being held by the dad. He's a nice guy, but the baby's sweet, 2-day old innocent face are next to the flaming skulls and monsters all over…

Holy shit are you a baby boomer or just their fucking mascot? Either way, it's super tedious.

Is this a soccer remix of the plot of Draft Day? I have no way to verify this as I am fairly sure I was the only person to see Draft Day.

It is delicious. Enjoy your lonely sadsturbating!

Shaggy's shoes are all wrong though, right? I can't see my man the Shagster grooving his way to a 3 foot tall sandwich in those clodhoppers. Norville Rogers is a man who appreciates comfort.

Guys, this is NOT FUCKING COOL. You can't just go and post a video like this without a warning. I'm about to go to bed and now the last sounds I heard are Nickelback? That is fucked up and you should be ashamed of yourself as a publisher for allowing this filth to be posted.

Oh my God I'm so sorry. That you live in New Jersey.

Pretty sure that's exactly what the feminist haters were saying in the 60s-70s too. Guess why we still need feminists.

Just the unimaginative ones. Any truly gross guy could just make up something like "John Goodman and Danny Devito docking with diarrhea as lube" like I just did there.

Hey bro, you ok man? You need some bro-grabs? Bro-hugs! She really hurt your feelings, huh pal? It's cool man you're money baby.

Is this "not all men" bait?

I guess you're not friends with too many Jamaicans then? What the bloodclot?

Uh, have you ever heard of a little movie called Homeward Fucking Bound?