“The Grinch of Major Life Events” is brilliant and I am absconding with it forthwith, as it describes the wizened reality of my bitter personality, and my actual heart.

i sent a similar group text. no response.

I’m very happy for Mrs. Carter and her family, but that photo looks like it was put together by a not particularly talented 8th grade photography student with no budget.

Good for them, babies are great. That photo, though....that’s pretty fucking awkward.

Someone wrote that Melania always looks like someone just told her she’s married to Donald Trump. This photo reminded me of that.

They straight up live next door to Tiffany’s. This is the equivalent of me handing Barack a gift from my bodega.

Of course it’s Tiffany’s box.

She can sense on some level he is a normal and will not partake in her narcissistic bullshit. He will not play into her dysfunction ergo he is dangerous

Also that in some interview she mentioned that her and Aaron have sex - like in general not in a gross Howard Stern way - and the family freaked out that their son is dating such a whore... Yet, the fantasy suite, totes NBD b/c wanna be Aaron still loves Jesus.

“WHERE’S OUR MEAL TICKET, AARON????” -his family

There’s also a rumor flying around that the Rodgerses (ugh) are hard line Christians and took issue with the fact that Munn is of Asian descent. So very Christian of them if true.

I have a close friend who chose his husband over his homophobic Trump voting batshit family. Unfortunately, he’s not a quarterback for an NFL team so he’s not getting any press.

I was more of a Leo fan. :)

Apparently she also sang on a Frank Ocean album. So she’s disgusted by gay people, but still happy to use them to advance her career.

My nephew’s circumcision went very, very badly and now I understand what President-elect Trump has been dealing with all his life. It’s nice when we can relate to our celebrities through our personal experiences.

When my wife and I were dating I dropped by her house one night after the bar closed and, since the lights were already off, knocked on her window. She said “Pete?”

Came really close. Like, first-consonant-and-vowel-slipped-out close. Luckily,that consonant-and-vowel was “Ja-”, and I was able to cover with a “Jay-sus”.

Pretty sure I’ve seen a quote from Marla out there that strongly implied Trump was totally cool with her aborting Tiffany if she wanted to.

Ivanka will spend her whole life chasing daddy’s love and will never realize he’s not going to give it unconditionally.

I just feel actively bad all the time