Remember that Simpsons episode when all the corporate mascots come alive and start destroying Springfield? Of course you do. Remember the solution? Just don’t look! You see, this is what Big Orange wants. He takes a nonsensical shot at a totally random person, and all the reaction, especially the negative, feeds this…

“Anything that happened to her body was all defensive movements to remove myself from the situation.”

I enjoy the “You gotta get the player into camp or his development will be hurt” take. Like missing 2 weeks will irreparably harm the Bears chances of making the playoffs lol.  I somehow doubt after missing time the kid will walk into camp and stare quizzically at the football, hold it in confusion, and ask “why isn’t…

I told you to stay away from my girlfriend you bastard

Can't fault him for dating a pro, but next time try to find one that isn't just two gigantic boobs.  A pair of huge boobs walking down the street, asking for directions to the museum of natural sciences.  Classic!

Don’t forget the two great coaches that jettisoned him.  And the fact he hasn’t played a down for the Rams yet.  Or the fact they didn’t include Sammy Watkins in their game plan last year, a speedy outside receiver.  

Instead, how about “Please, God, win enough to not be a laughingstock”.  Doesn’t quite roll off the tongue, nor does it catch your eye on a T-shirt, but come on.  That’s the goal, right?

Signing any player in any sport two years before you have to is really risky. Almost anything can happen in the two years before his extension kicks in, from injury to simple lack of production.  They were in no danger of losing him due to the franchise tag.  The small monetary gain of setting the market for RBs…

We all knew the Cavs wouldn’t be title contenders for a while, Kevin Love or not.  My question is does Kevin Love make them good enough to miss out on a top 5 pick every year?  With Love, is their ceiling a 6 seed and floor a 6-10 lottery pick?

I take it one step further: I get drunk when I’m not doing chores. Your great idea expanded a little.

I actually am sympathetic.  I got HFM twice as an adult and it is super unpleasant.  Imagine the sensation of "pins and needles" every single time you take a step.  Goddamned day care, house of disease

I guess he could play on the qualifying offer.  Pray he stays healthy and productive and go into a more lucrative market next year.  Otherwise get underpaid?  I don't know.  

Ok, so my math may be wrong, but if they stretched and waived melo it would be around 9 million in dead money on the cap for the next 3 years.  They traded this for 15 million a year for 3 years.  I understand the 9 million for melo is a sunk cost that can't be recovered or traded, but isn't paying a backup PG 15…

Who is the one spazzing out now lol?

The Spurs wanted an all-star back in the deal. The Sixers didn’t want to part with Simmons or Embiid. Is this any more humiliating than the Celtics not wanting to part with Brown or Tatum? Or the Lakers sitting on their hands until next year?

You’re lucky. My neighbor is a walking, talking shit-stain. Not only does he rake his leaves into my yard, he doesn’t understand the nuances of the NBA salary cap/tax structure.  Fuck you, Gary.

This. Instead of a soft cap at 100 million, make a hard cap at 120 (number pulled out of thin air, insert your own if you like) and raise the salary floor to appease the union.  Eliminate the max contract.  And eliminate the textbook worth of rules of trading players and matching money

Thought exercise:  Is there really a salary cap if 23 teams are over it?

you don’t

They had an out! Would any fan be that upset if they hadn’t matched that offer? You may like the dude, but that is a lot of money with a lot of question marks. Somebody was going to make that mistake for you, get you off the hook, and give you a great reason to let him walk, and of course it was the kings. But…