Tigers can't change their stripes, and assholes can't change their bicycle spokes...

Who wants to see a a 30-second spot with 2 pumps and lots of apologizing?

"Qualifications?"

Don't ask Jolie; right now, nobody knows more about shitting the bed than Brandon Bostick.

No, it's from an escort — she survived the crash.

Bitchtits and a barrel is a really, really bad combination.

What, you don't want to get up early so you can watch Hartline and Landry try to get free of coverage without having Mike Wallace distract the defense?

I'm glad to see that Peter North is a Jolie fan too!

Pah rum pah pum pum, motherfucker! That little guy went down in history!

Pa rum pum pum pum, motherfucker! That little guy went down in history!

Pa rum pum pum pum, motherfucker! That little guy went down in history!

O Cleaning Goddess — Can you please answer an ancillary question regarding stain removal? Our dry cleaning goes in twice a week. What, if anything, should I do to pre-treat stains that are going to sit around for a few days before going to the dry cleaner? Bonus internet points for differentiating between cotton…

I thought tears were covered when he mentioned masturbation.

I can't wait for the Molt - I heard it will change its own paint color every 6 weeks!

/checks list

Shouldn't that be...number two?

Isn't it also likely that his new fitness regime is screwing him up? Part of the reason why he could always get to the rim before was that he was bigger and stronger than everyone else — that's why he knocked everyone around like bowling pins. That's also one of the reasons why the Heat wanted him to play bigger. …

Remember back when LeBron signed with Cleveland and said he was going to lose weight? Maybe Riley knew something when he put LeBron on a weightlifting program and bulked up a bit; the extra muscle mass would certainly help to scatter small forwards like bowling pins. That seems to a be a more likely reason to me.

Abso-fucking-lutely. I think the one person who will get the most belated cred for the Heat's run will be Chris Bosh.

No love for Rare Earth?