As compared to that extra suture Elin got after delivering their second kid, which her doctor called the Tiger Stitch.

I always thought the purpose was to keep your hands from warming the beer!

If she's giving the "all you can anal buffet" for $20 an hour on top of the original $100 per hour, she's DEFINITELY undercharging. I had to assume the anal is a per-time surcharge.

a box of magnum condoms and nearly $200 as evidence

I use jaybird freedoms with my phone in the gym (I use the phone to track lifting) and with a MotoActv for running and cycling. They seem to hold a long charge, but I'm not training for an Ironman.

Don't whine for me, my Sinn Fein-a?

What's even more interesting is that this isn't just about Augusta's "checkered history" — it's about the damned checkered PRESENT. Have they really changed by allowing a single woman member and, what, one black guy? That's just enough tokens for a subway ride uptown and back (not that any Augusta members ever take…

The complete sentence: "I'm trying to enjoy the game; I really hope she will shut the fuck up SOON."

Gee, I wonder if Brady's "I'm married to a supermodel" infection was much, much, less virulent than Gronk's "I'm banging a porn star" infection?

The video is horrible, and Rice clearly should have been fired as soon as it was seen. How can you retain a coach who's supposed to teach fundamentals, but can barely hit a kid with a ball from 10 feet away?!? Pathetic.

Jody Arias's mom is playing it cool, but the lady in the Where's Waldo blouse knows damn well why Jim has that look on his face...

I used to do long runs on the treadmill. That sucks more than I can possibly say. Get outside somehow; it's soooooooo much better. No timer or digital distance meter (which is probably wrong anyway), just the passing distance. Plan your run on MapDraw or MapMyRun and you cannstick with your training plan.

I have to admit that his explanation for passing on the Olympics does sound kind of half-assed.

Failing to use enough chloroform. You should have seen the look in her eyes as she peered over that rag...

Genius, but I suspect this guy's dates end more like The Cask of Amontillado...

Nevermind!

A pinnie is a lacrosse jersey. He's saying he doesn't lay around the apartment in jerseys.

It will be awesome once they've replaced the stadium floods with blacklights...

You really think that beats "things were awkward the next day"?!?

Sure, have Romney's tour bus hit the cow instead.