20%? “Outrageous tip”? No, sir. 20% is standard. An “outrageous tip” might be “Tip: to save money when dining out, be sure to steal from your waitstaff. Act like a fucking jerk in full view of other humans. If possible, yell at someone who cannot yell back at you as if you are a tyrannical king. Later, publish a short…

My guess on what really went down:

i hope he steps on a lego

The Royal Gazette reports that Fox “told the Erie Times-News that she visited the island in January after being invited by a local sea glass collector and left with two suitcases filled with glass to make jewelry to sell.” To add insult to injury, she also referred to the Bermuda beach as “a dump” in an online video.

Yep. I keep pretty strict kosher and I need to know all the various names for things I don’t want to eat. When in doubt (e.g. some Italian things sound like cheese but are actually pork-related) Google is my friend!

(Or, fuck it, anytime.)

I will star any and all Terry Pratchett-related comments.

She proceeds to explain to him that only a hamburger contains meat, and that a cheeseburger is vegetarian. She says she knows this because she has been to McDonald’s in London literally *hundreds* of times in the last few years, and that a cheeseburger is always vegetarian when she orders one!

“What’s homo milk? Is this milk from GAY COWS?!” he demands, utterly* seriously, even angrily.

The Reuben one reminded me of a story Terry Pratchett told. He said that one jet-lagged evening he accidently asked for Three Mile Island dressing for his salad. The waitress didn’t say a word, just brought him Thousand Island dressing and a bottle of hot sauce.

I love getting ticks embedded on my feet and sap and shit on my cashmere.

thiiiisss poossstttt iiisss aaa ffuuucckkkinnnnggg jooookkkkeee

Crap like this double-standard (which stems from massive misogyny) is why I’m a raging feminist.

Guys, I’m like, so broken up that I won’t be able to marry an angry misogynist.

I’d love to have a peek at Tom Hiddleston’s Crimson Peak, but that’s because my interest is piqued, not peeked or peaked.

Also, note that for this subject in particular, the employee really has to have screwed up in a unique and interesting way for anyone to have a reason to care about the story. If you specifically requested a sandwich with no mayo, and a server then brought you a sandwich with mayo on it, well, I’m very sad for you,…

You run an oncology practice in a restaurant? How neat!

I am a terrible person.

I have another bartending happy ending

True story: these are not every comment related to this that I received. After a certain point, my computer refused to load more comments.