Can we stop disparaging coke users by linking them to Donald Trump?

Really? I had NO IDEA. Like, just reading that gave me goosebumps.

Not sure, but I remember him being nothing but an asshole douchebag in a tuxedo with the skiiny-eyed, arrogant pursed just-sucked-on-a-lemon Renee Zelwegger lips. Basically, a rich fuckwad.

Does Howard Stern still troll Rosie?

He’s Cartman. All grown up.

Former coke addict. Truth.

From my understanding there is no such thing as a cocaine “stash”. There is only enough for the night. Stash implies there will be some left over.

But it’s a wife’s fault when her husband cheats! It’s her job to stay sexy and watch him like a hawk. He can’t help his appetities.

He guzzled water almost as awkwardly as Rubio.

Half a joint and four beers.

I’ll take “Gakked out of his tits” for $800, Alex.

They had to keep their cars cool, see, because they had just pulled over...MORGAN FAIRCHILD! Yeah, that’s the ticket!

Some annotated Ted Cruz for regular people:

Gross. Here’s a star.

The idea of Ted Cruz as a Supreme Court Justice makes me want to burn this country to the ground and hope that something better arises from the ashes.

I cannot believe I’m saying this, but I’m sorta kinda somewhat glad it’s not Cruz running against Hillary. There’s something about Cruz (who’s an actual politician who only occasionally runs off at the mouth) that worries me more than Trumpy (who doesn’t seem to be that much of a Republican--he’s more of a…

Ted Cruz doesn’t have balls. He has a cloaca.

There seem to be a lot of dudes with hairlips in the bible belt, so it totally is a coveted group.

And the raw, animal charisma of a bowl of tapioca pudding.

I am still completely mystified as to how anyone can consider these two anything other than equally heinous fuckwit twin brothers.