MOA just means mechanism of action. It's just short-hand to say "how a drug works". Like, it is an SSRI or whatever. Unless you are making a joke and I'm just really slow this morning.

So Viagra, as we both accept, is a vasodilator, so obviously it is going to work that way in women too. Saying it has the same effect in women as in men seems a little willful to me since of course women will not have an erection as a result and men will, but yes of course it is going to increase blood flow in both…

Oh yes, Sorry. I misread your second sentence and thought you were saying the mechanisms worked the same for both drugs AND Viagra affects women the same way as men.

This pill increases dopamine and adrenaline while decreasing serotonin- so it is messing around with your neurotransmitters in a way similar to antidepressants. Likewise, you must take it everyday, so it is a long-term effect- altering your brain/body chemistry over years. This is entirely different from Viagra which…

I've taken Viagra. It did not give me an erection.

Word.

Yes this is all so true. You are right. And also the complexity is why a pill like this probably won't work, unfortunately.

Well I disagree with that. Men are not entitled to sex from women. That is true. But if you enter a long term relationship with someone with the mutual understanding that it will be a sexual relationship, and then the relationship stops being a sexual relationship, then if one partner (male or female) wishes for it to…

A physical underlying organic problem that has to do with brain chemistry could be identified and treated. A larger problem: decades of thought habits, circumstance, how life treats you and how you responded combined with physical and societal issues- this is much more difficult to treat. I’m not pooh-poohing away the…

Yes of course you are absolutely right. They are public figures a small percentage of the time, and real people with a real marriage the rest of the time. So naturally I don’t know a damn thing about them REALLY. And of course also, I know they have a private life that is none of my business.

You can’t have a concept of things without asking for the people that do to explain it. I think the biggest point of my confusion is that “no sex drive” to me sounds like a neutral feeling, not an unpleasant one. Like, having no desire for something means you don’t miss it. But as you (and others) have explained…

lol, thanks. I worry about UTI too, though basically if I pee afterwards it doesn’t happen. Actually I’ve only had two in my life, but they were so painful that no matter what now I always pee afterwards. I have a friend who gets them frequently regardless, and if I associated THAT with sex, I’d never be able to relax.

That sounds horrible too. I wonder if the problem is the treating symptoms and not causes. I’m dubious about anxiety and depression being organic problems in and of themselves. But I know that is controversial. I've suffered from both quite a bit, and I really think it becomes a chicken and egg thing. Drugs, in my…

Do you mind that I'm prying? You can choose not to answer. But I think this is what I keep asking and can't really understand. When you say, you can't make it happen. OK- so can you walk me through this? Out of curiosity. Like, you aren't turned on, but your attractive and trustworthy partner is there. So you say, ah,…

I feel like most of my life, I've just been a slave to my hormones. It's hard sometimes to separate what's me from what's hormones. I'm terrified of menopause.

Thanks for this recommendation. I already found it in my local library! I’ve been looking for something like this lately.

Well I'm not sure I agree with that because of the "for months" part. Life is hard and things can really get stressful. Sometimes you go through hard things, for months even, and you can't just give up on marriage when that happens. I think the key is being honest about where you are at. But letting the sex go…

I’m sorry you went through that, and I’m glad you got out of that relationship. I can give you a little insight (MAYBE- it’s not like I know you or that woman). I’ve done this with my husband. I went through a period of serious anxiety around sex. The desire is real- the moment he is there it’s like I just want to rip…

Also, if you are still within the first six months of a relationship, I think it would be a major red flag if you are only having sex three times a week- ASSUMING one of you would like more and ASSUMING you have the opportunity to do it more. If you are in the first few months of dating and have the opportunity and…

6 times a week is high. I put it there as an outlier. Most marriages go through different phases with it. Especially if there are health problems or the kids are little or you are nursing, etc. Then of course the sex can be gone for months at a time. Or when you are unhappy or stressed. But otherwise, I think 3 times…