Another rule, if you’re a dad, you must write texts like a letter.

I’m going to challenge and say millipedes are more terrifying than cockroaches. Those fuckers can move and have a knack for crawling into corners where my shoes cannot demolish them. I honestly have dreams about dog sized millipedes being on my wall when I wake up in the morning.

Counterpoint: Nadal is probably gorgeous while one-handing it

We should all aspire to be as linguistically gifted as tennis players. It seems like they all speak a minimum of 3 languages. I realize that Tsonga is French, but I bet he could speak Spanish if he had to.

Usually “Ma”...

Bobby, Age 5, pictured:

This made me feel much better. I will also now be working out exclusively to Street Fighter II theme songs

In my college nutrition class, our professor talked about how unhealthy the Hardee’s thickburger was for half of a lecture. He seemed obsessed with how many calories it was, but was clearly jonesing for one the more that he talked about it. I think I might have to try one

Listening to the way people spoke to this person makes me so glad that I don’t play this game. I can definitely get into FPS multiplayer (been playing a lot of Titanfall 2 recently), but hearing so much hate being thrown out makes me sick. I can’t deal with that shit. It’s a fucking game. Have fun.

I really like watching this guy play tennis actually. He has put up some good fights against great players and actually seemed like he would break into the top 10 a few years ago.

I can’t watch Trump anymore. Like I physically cannot. I feel like I’m about to have a panic attack anytime I watch any clip of him speaking. The idea that this Fanta stain is going to be my country’s president makes me physically ill.

Fuck Fire in the Sky. I didn’t sleep for a year after seeing that as a 7 year old. I tried to be tough and not cover my eyes to show up my older brother.

I’m curious as to what noise you make when thinking of Criss Angel

Am I the only one who counts pooping while the shower is going as one of the best feelings in the world? I mean, you combine the natural pleasures of pooping (well most of the time at least) with the wonderful feeling of a sauna. Then, you can get nice and clean when you finish.

It’s like an Easter tennis outfit. Nothing wrong with that

Is that you Elaine?

This is so weird. I literally just finished watching Applesauce (honestly, like 10 minutes ago). It is a movie about a guy receiving body parts in the mail. A much different situation than this one, but it was still an interesting coincidence. Decent movie 

Ha! Went to college with this guy. Glad to see that he’s doing well for himself. Nice job Kleeb

This list... it’s just perfect. I can’t really think of any qualm I have with a single entry here. I literally teared up when I saw Royal Rumble and Tiny Toon Adventures on there. It’s been an emotional week, and it was nice to eat some member berries and shed a tear for childhood memories.