Force = Acceleration x UMass

Sheraton Wild Horse Pass public relations director Stephanie Sanstead apologized to the team saying "the fire alarm had to be there or they'd get fined."

This story is getting overinflated

I was wondering which offbeat commercial Will Ferrell would show up in.

Yep, I'm as good as fired.

You're obviously not watching the right porn.

Psh... JR puts up 55 every other night.

Pool security is so lax

The main thing you need to do to keep bears out of your food is to not ever put it in a pic-a-nic basket.

Marshawn should give a lengthy interview concerning his thoughts on deflate-gate. The media universe would collapse within itself. A black hole of hot takes.

"You can't prove anything using junk stats!"

"Sure, this might be junk science, but you know what isn't? The fact that jet fuel can't melt steel."

Robert Kraft loves monkey puppets too. He named one of them Roger Goodell.

Belichick: I like a little puppet. You can kinda put your fingers in, it's a little monkey and then he can talk.

So they designed this special tool and installed it in a bathroom so that when they are caught and the NFL reviews security tapes they are able to say, "he was only in there for 90 seconds, couldn't have had the time" when in fact they were thinking ahead with their super fast ball deflater machine for just this…

Hand washing truthers are much more welcome than highlight truthers.

As a "you don't wash your hands" truther, I agree with Kevin. Also, damn man, wash your hands.

Your bathroom trips are short because you are a heathen—unlike our person of interest—and don't wash your hands.