Holy shit, Miranda Richardson drank from the wrong grail.

Revelatory in a “holy shit, this show fucking sucks” kind of way?

+1 chicken roosting in Marge’s beehive

The good news about having a brief unpleasant encounter with Michael Jordan, say, in 1987, is that you’ll get called out in his Hall of Fame induction speech 20 years later

(slightly buzzed) (a little woozy from cigar smoke) (looks up) (light bulb goes off) (starts 2017 season with thatched hairpiece)

“OK, let’s make a pact. Either this is going to be the best vacation ever or we agree to disband and join other families.”

Note: Simon & Simon were not brothers in real life, only on teleVISion.

There’s only one thing to do, a comprehensive episode-by-episode tally of screen time (discounting obvious stunt doubles), number of words spoken, meaningful glances given, etc. Then extrapolate/estimate future usage by harnessing the computational power of several Kray supercomputers. This unpaid project may take up…

“series of articles, on multiple Univision Interwebs LLC platforms”

I don’t think this is apocryphal, and it happened while I was still in short-pants, but I believe Magnum PI was technically a continuation of the original Hawaii Five-0 or at least in the Hawaii Five-0verse.

“Look! People under the age of 80 are discussing CBS programming! We should do this shit more often!” — CBS executive

“It should be enough, just look at the tiny cars they make and drive” — Sumner Redstone, who is old enough to call Rupert Murdoch “son” and who probably has no actual power over CBS any more but I don’t read the trades

Don Ho is now 117 years old.

The Heat’s free agency strategy: “We tried for the best, now we’re overpaying the rest!”

They’ve given him plenty of Bechances.

(checks stats) (sees he’s averaging fewer than 5 innings per start) More like Mike Paltry (wind whistles) (coyote howls) (realizes he’s going to be near the bottom of a random thread about the 37-47 White Sox) (begins to reevaluate life)

Owning Detroit is an Old Man’s game.

It’s like Joe Pesci’s character in Casino: although he’s a terrible sociopath to the world at large, the one redeeming quality is that no matter what he’s doing, first thing every morning he fixes Nicky, Jr. some pancakes.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a picture of Dan Gilbert before, it looks like Paul Williams and Gordon Gekko had a baby and then dressed it like a 50s Borscht Belt comedian.

Maybe shitcanning Rahm Emanuel at the next available juncture won’t make any difference, but just in case, why not shitcan Rahm Emanuel.