They have a team tomcat in reserve to spray piss all over home plate umpires with inconsistent strike zones.

Barry: Minor league baseball is probably America’s greatest invention.

“I didn’t lose my pinky finger at Inchon just so some fairy could prance around in a Hilary T-shirt!”

(hitter smacks a deep one to right center, stands and admires the shot)

I still have my David Thompson The Real 1978 MVP Based on Win Shares Bill Walton Was Just the Best Player on the Best Team But That Crapped Out in the Playoffs embroidered pillow

Rangers GM: Damn! Get us an 84-mph fastball-throwing K-Rod STAT!

I‘ve attempted to enjoy wrestling transcriptions on a personal level... on an ironic level, as a novelty, as camp, as kitsch... as a cautionary example. Nothing works.

It’s like the time Marv Marinovich did a guest spot on Sunset Beach, playing the deranged ex-high school coach of Randy Spelling.

It’s the guy that modded Pikachu with enormous genitalia in a Stupor Hash Mothers tournament.

I remember feeling the same way when Rip Torn was finally acknowledged by the good people at the Cable Ace Awards.

Risky move, pitting the announcement against the College World Series and on the three-month anniversary of his having exited the playoffs (I think).

(gen-X scoff) More like F-Rod

“Let’s Remember Some Guys Best Forgotten”

Give me a team of Brad Lohaus, Frank Brickowski, and Fred Roberts (named Bucks Unlimited) or GIVE ME DEATH

Careful, they can only handle so much in the way of ideas, it’s like a small town movie uniplex just getting the theatrical release of John Travolta in The Experts

(lone Tony Danza-sounding voice in the back of the room) AND APOLOGIZE TO SERPICO WHILE YOU’RE AT IT

I’m sorry, high school gym, not arena.

I THINK INTERRACIAL MARRIAGES SHOULD BE LEGAL PER LOVING v. VIRGINIA (1967) [arena burned to the ground]

Man, the More Songs About Building and Food advocates are really taking it to the Remain in Light aficionados.

Solution: develop a body tattoo that changes colors when sufficient brain damage or oxygen deprivation has been achieved.