Also crucial to the timing: nobody in the entering class can leave, and Riley probably can’t fire Stoops’ brother as DC.

BLAINE GABBERT?!

High Priestess L.A. Guns?

“I learn eet from a boook.” (PS, so out of it that I completely whiffed on the great Andrew Sachs passing late last year at the age of 86, amazing that someone as deft at physical comedy was in his mid-to-late 40s for the two series)

“I have learned very, very little English – it’s very hard. Just ‘tomorrow’, ‘good morning’, ‘good afternoon’ and a little more.”— If worse comes to worse, he could star in a community theater production of Fawlty Towers as Manuel.

Jezebel: when remoras have remoras.

Who’s the villain in the next movie? Professor Warrant? Mistress Bulletboys?

BMX BANDITS II?!?!?

He looks like a roided up Tim Blake Nelson from O Brother, Where Art Thou? — “GOPHER, EVERETT, YOU DUMBSHIT SON OF A BITCH?”

The guy was a specimen, but seemed to be hurt a lot and was always the first piece to go in a trade (7-8 teams in 12 years). Maybe this is what happens when you don’t ‘roid up like everybody else in the late 90s.

Well, he wasn’t really terrific before or after that season, in which he still had only 25 HRs. It looks like he was doing even better (almost batting .300) the next year but it looks like some injury took him out for 1/3rd of the season.

Maybe he’s graduated to become a Midnight Tjoker

Where are all the “how to kill yourself” replies? Step up, Twitter!

If he did commercials for smile-improving, tooth-strengthening mouthwash, he’d be called Hard Bitin’ Mark Whiten

I just looked up a few more epic power displays; Carlos Delgado’s 4-homer game was notable because homer #1 was his 300th, and his last homer (like Whiten’s) went about a mile.

I actually remember highlights from this game. If you’d have asked “how many career HRs does Mark Whiten have,” I’d have said “two thousand” (but unfortunately it was only 105). Even a small, embryonic bat flip on #2 that grows to a flip/stare for #3, and the most titanic blast for #4. Suck it, Dibble.

It’s like one of those gelatin-people from Deep Space Nine went corporate.

How many lapdogs can one lap hold?

There are stupid non-rednecks, and in fact stupid nerdy hipster types.

Good thing baseball isn’t played around Pearl Harbor Day or Remy might call for internment camps.