Drinkers of Bud Light are up for anything except commitment.

“Where Paul Newman at?” asked one visibly inebriated Predators fan.

Suspect recognition is the Keystone of any top-flight group of Kops.

NYPD Spokes-Robot: Disciplinary records are shielded from public release by a state civil rights statute protecting their personnel records

And take it from ALbert, as a Bullizards fan he’s experienced more than his fair share of meaningless, dire, hollow, miserable perspectives.

As Norman Lear has probably said a million times in the last 45 years (he’s still with us in his 90s), you can’t go about creating something while worried that the stupidest among us will misconstrue it.

Crappy, paleolithic comedy routines parlayed into 15 years of televised success. Only in America. And maybe Britain (Benny Hill).

There, there, you weren’t going anywhere anyway. A conference finals appearance in a toilet bowl of a conference can wait just a while longer; after all, it has for 40 years.

“Shots fired!”

Simpsons did it.

(looks at U.S. House Oversight Committee schedule) Well Benghazi’s no longer on the agenda, and nothing about the Russians, so why the hell not.

There’s a reason his name is Rick Renteria and not Rick Owneria.

I think Yogi Berra, if he was captain, has to be considered the greatest captain. Of course the Yankees had no captain 1939-1975. And oh the lack of success they had then.

Wizards Fan: “Why do you hang your sheets in the rafters?”

His captaincy was like his vocabulary during bland interviews or his defensive prowess: limited range.

His hooking up with starlets and SI swimsuit models inspired everyone in the organization to date a public figure (but at their own level), like a minor league journeyman courting Miss Iowa 1993 or Don Zimmer trying to get with Shelley Winters.

A place called Liberty College founded by Jerry Falwell in Lynchburg, Virginia: this must be the most inviting place for African-American recruits in the whole wide country, narrowly edging out Human Chattel State founded by David Duke in Plantationsville, Mississippi.

I’ll bet the Celtics diehards are wearing that #1 seed like a knight’s coat of armor when it’s actually just layers of flash paper and they’re about to face a fire-breathing dragon

They should at least be paid in Internet Recognition Fun Bucks, like online writers.

Deadspin: Sports News Without Access, Favor, Discretion, Watching Sports, or Remembering Having Watched Sports Even If We Did