I think celebrities should be advertising Valtrex for herpes. I have this conspiracy plot where a lot of celebrities have herpes (e.g. every lady who has slept with John Mayer, i.e. the Outbreak Monkey, and every person these ladies have slept with thereafter then get it, etc. = Hollywood Herpes Pandemic). Valtrex…

How big was this poo that it delayed the opening of a tunnel and required a clean up crew?! A kid pooped in the pool I go to in my neighborhood yesterday and the lifeguards let everyone back in the water after about 10 minutes. And this is a nice private pool in the city that charges about $500-$600 per person to use…

Demi Moore is in “absolute shock” over the dead body found in her pool.

‘MURICA! Can I pretty please be your plus one?

This would work for me

Throwback Thursday: I kind of want to watch this tonight.

I’ve always been a little offput by things flavored like other things. Like, if I want a brownie, I will eat a brownie. If I want an iced-cofee, I will drink one. Brownie-flavored iced coffee courtesy of Dunkin’ Donuts - no thank you (and it’s coffee piss water on principal alone).

CA has misdemeanor vehicular manslaughter. Obviously we don’t know all the facts of the case but it sounds like she acted with ordinary negligence as opposed to gross negligence and I don’t think the fact that she is famous is really relevant in these circumstances (aside from the fact that giving her the maximum…

winner winner chicken dinner on comment of the day!

YOU GUYS I SENT THIS TIP TO JEZEBEL! They probably never read my email, but I will pretend that they did. Also, I want a campaign button.

I think I’m the only woman that doesn’t like Flowerbomb. The men’s version, Spicebomb, spells pretty good though.

Mr. PrincessMonsterTruck and I have swapped handwritten cards ever since our first holiday together and we save them all. I think it will be pretty cool to have hundreds of cards someday that our children and grandchildren, etc. can read.

You will pry Benefit from my cold dead hands. Ava Anderson does make awesome stuff though.

I SERIOUSLY just thought that the rainbow flag with Putin wearing makeup was the anti-gay flag and I was SO amused for a second there.

“I’m gonna eat this today and I’m gonna make my favorite cake and I’m gonna wear this and then we’re gonna go have a parade.” And people are like, “Sounds great! You’re the boss.”

Maybe you can use a Diva Cup to catch all the semen while you wait until you can take the diaphragm out? One girl - Two cups!

Alan Rickman on Twitter?

Or get your parents to smuggle drugs into the country for you. I did that with birth control pills when I was in college.

Ewww. I mean, I’d be interested if this was a documentary that helped people see white privilege that is not readily apparent - something they would overlook. This is a totally stupid example that happened to me (like, not what the show should be going for at all, but you get the idea): I found out that Louboutin was…