I had a boyfriend who never, ever dressed up for Halloween. I should have known then.

Ha! Clearly I have been working in the wrong restaurants. I've seen my manager get into a shouting match with a customer. He was a terrible person, though. (The manager)

Daaaamn Bianca Jagger is still killin' it.

What. The fuck.

Eh. I'm an adopted kid from Asia and I thought it was funny. I know white parents who have that "savior" thing going, and let me tell you, it is way more cloying than that joke he just made.

Jessica Alba is one of the most boring celebrities I have ever been aware of. Her and Emmy Rossum — do they even have fans?

Don't forget Circle of Friends!!

Nolan Funk is such a ridiculously attractive piece of pretty boy.

Oh my good lord, I would fucking get married in this and then wear it for the next month. Lawdy lawdy.

I would say yeah, Penelope Cruz has unusual, striking features. Definitely a memorable face.

My main problem is that (after a 7-year relationship of BAD SEX) I went out and found a really freakin' cool guy to have sex with and now my feelings are getting in the way. Because he turned out to be awesome. IT'S TOO SOON!!!

I joined OKCupid after I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years, sort of as a litmus test to see what would come up while I processed stuff. The first date I went on was boring as fuck. It was at a nice bar — one of my favorites — and he paid for it all, and everything went smoothly, except he didn't get any of my…

An entry-level position.

TRYING TOO HARD

OH MY GOD WHAT LEE PACE.

Its competition is Bakersfield, also the "armpit of California." Since everyone has two armpits I think we can call it a tie.

Ask and ye shall receive:

Oh her hair! I love it. I was supposed to have hair just like that, but the idiot hairstylist looked at the picture I brought in, ignored it, and gave me some sort of fucked up layered shit in the back. Which is NOT how you do it.

Wow such anger

YEEEEAAAAAHHHH!