dark meat, shredded + tomato sauce + rigatoni = pretty good. Not as amazing as the first sandwich, but way better than the thirteenth.

prettiest turkey

Well it sounds like you lucked out in that the apple rolled as far away from the tree as was possible.

WHOA

That math is cracking my ass up. I heard something similar, about playing the lottery and that one time someone won $30,000 and it totally paid off because he'd played every game twice a week for the last 30 years. mmhmmm ::tightlip outside screaming inside::

Congraaaaaats! He's probably just so excited he can't contain himself. I trust my husband will do the same if/when we conceive. He's terrible at poker.

This is the most brutal thing I have read in a long time.

LANDS UPRIGHT, of course, ready for more.

I just think any surgeon willing to perform on camera for a reality show — not like educational purposes or anything — is probably viewing him/herself more as an entertainer than a physician, and should be avoided.

Why cant she just hide her awfulness away? Such a mixed bag with her, she can be awesome but is fundamentally just kind of a meanspirited looneytoon who should stay the fuck away from twitter.

Tori, darling, any doctor willing to perform surgery on camera for your stupid reality show is a doctor you need to run. the fuck. away from.

E!. Real talk: You are the worst but I fucking love you. I leave you on in the background while I'm cleaning my baseboards, but if my husband walks in the room, I act like I just left the TV on after a movie or some shit and haha why is this dumb channel always playing SATC reruns? Dumb.

Joel McHale's tears when he realizes I'm married. ZIIIIING.

<3 <3 <3

HOLD ON TO A DINOSAUR'S BUTT WHILE SHE GENETICALLY ENGINEERS CHRIS PRATT SO YOU BOTH CAN HOLD ON TO HIS BUTT. Wait that is what the twist in this one is, right...?

HOLD ON TO A DINOSAUR BUTT

I know my friend doesnt do gawker comments, so probably not. It breaks my heart that multiple women have stories like this.

OOOH GIRL I HOPE SO TOO

Read the headline and finished it: water is wet, so are my panties.