I live in Texas and will be celebrating with my newly widowed mother in law, my sister in law, my sister in law's conservative boyfriend, and said boyfriends uber conservative parents who still have not figured out I am a white mexican (or that those exist even?) :DDDDDD can I get some of those painkillers....?

THIS SHIT + BILL COSBY + OBAMA IMMIGRATION = TURKEY DAY HAT TRIIIIIICK.

Now that we (her friends) know the extent of how awful it was — she tried to hide a lot of it, because she loved him and knew we would judge him harshly for being a complete assface — I am so glad she is out. And her new dude is very into being HEALTHY and active, not just looking a certain way.

Yes! I posted downthread about a friend's recent divorce - - before he actually left her, the fighting, stress, drinking, head games were so bad she had gotten down to a terrifying weight and was drinking SO FUCKING MUCH. So it was evident that they were awful for each other (mostly I think he is an asshole and she…

I have a friend that is rounding the corner on almost a year of her divorce-iversary... He left her on fucking valentines day like the scumbag asshole he is. I try to be supportive, when I can, but she hopped from that failing marriage to a completely improbably rebound relationship that has consumed all of her time,…

Oh my god, this is amazing. She wanted to die. Nothing could stop her.

A+++++ SOMEONE GET THIS LADY SOME THEME MUSIC.

hahah I'm imagining a row of port-a-potties with real dolls in them, "last pre-dad stop" stamped on doors. Leave the nurses alone, they have a job to do.

Me, to Don Lemon: Why the fuck are you still on TV?

But does he have an adult son?

Yes! No offense, but since you obviously don't view an overture from these scumbags as a compliment, I doubt you'll take offense — it reads like a really panicky hail mary to assert some kind of independence/"youthful" seed-sowing bullshit. Like when you're about to leave the bar early for the night, so right when…

If you had great chemistry, it mighty have been worth it to attempt to educate him.... My husband, for instance, used to eat oysters on saltines (!!!) heaped with horseradish and tabasco (!! Like one would with, say, a tinned sardine!) but when shown the ways of delicately slurping readily accepted them as far…

such a turnoff! Why brutalize a steak like that?

Yeah, I was thinking butthole, or shithead, or asspimple. Asshole will definitely work!

TEARS DOWN MY FACE.

My husband came home right as Olive was coming home from the vet with the leash and the collar, and I was sitting on the couch bawling.

This breaks my heart to think about. I do not know how I could live through losing a husband, or a sister, or a parent (which I have been lucky enough to make it to 31 with all of those people still alive and healthy and PLEASE NEVER DIE).

I'm jealous, he comes to Houston so infrequently!

I will! I always like the Brothers Sklarbro when they're on CBB or @Midnight, so I don't know why I haven't gotten around to listening to the podcast.

I listen to this and the CBB Moster Mash (monster fuck, NSFW, obvs!!) any time I've had a bad day. I realize they are exact opposite ends of the comedy spectrum, but somehow the combo can snap me out of a real shit mood.