Clenis! I’m just grateful that I didn’t have to explain/nor have explained to me about a goddamn blowjob. I mean I remember the papers and rags around that time, I was probably ten, twelve maybe?

The last fight I had was with another kid in middle school. He broke his hand on the helmet and well that was pretty much that.

I had the perfect Eddie Murphy quote “He’s you in a skirt!” but apparently “The Distinguished Gentleman” is not on yo—-wait—-wait—

Remember how that worked out for Macaulay culkin: not well.

Twitter will be the death of our society.

His face brings to mind that old joke about “It’s a good thing he’s his mother’s son otherwise he’d never get on the ballot.”

I mean it would not be difficult to plastic-surgery up some other lady to look like Melon.

Somebody call the Vietcong! They’ll shut that shit down right quick!

Yes but does Mario still have nipples?

Quick, which one is sitting in piss/vomit?

You know what keeps me cool? since-they-tore-out-a-tree-that-shades-the-east-side-of-the-apartment? That the dickbag above me suffers even worse!

As if I needed reason #7,006 to never go see another movie ever again.

She barely registers as human anymore!

Nah, he’s just going back to the office.

J-F-C.

It’s like those weight-loss ads: the before has nothing to do with the after. The second-to-last frame is...yeah.

He’s a douchecanoe; end of story.

When I was maybe ten my uncle threw this mah-fuh —

My Dad and myself enjoy watching the Hawks. Mom doesn’t give a shit but that’s just it: This stupidity (making the anthem bullshit a thing) is driving me and him away from watching. We’re just two people here but we’ll skip nearly half of the first quarter beacuse fuck this forced bullshit. We support the protest…

Then you get a ton of taxes and the roads fall apart. Ask me how!