There's very little meat in these gym mats.

'Tis no man. 'Tis a remorseless eating machine.

Whatever does she use to expel them?

I'll have to remember to show up late if I am on a jury.

They were on quaaludes.

That makes just as much sense as Trump being Julius Caesar.

How did conservative old assholes like Alex Jones and Donald Trump manage to get the label "hyper-masculine"? I don't want to be a MRA, but I don't like the term should be so negative. A man should at least have some positive male traits to be considered masculine or hyper-masculine. Acting like a baby or a paranoid…

You should listen to your heart and not the voices in your head, like a certain uncle did one grey December morn.

I promised myself that I won't watch Westworld next season. It's just not worth it.

I know this is an unpopular stance, but I don't care what happens to America's hired killers.

You sound like the next guy who is going to shoot at politicians.

People were already blaming right-wing politics for the murderer in Portland.

Yeah, Republican Congressmen are so stupid and awful. They deserve to be shot at.

I'm so upset about all this violence in politics, I'm going to punch a Nazi in the face! I'm going to put on a black mask and hit people with a bike lock! I'm going to march around a college campus with a baseball bat! We have to stop the violence!

I'm never happy.

If everyone sucks, that means the shooter did the right thing.

I completely called this two days ago on the other story:

I'm finally right about something! Great job, Internet!

It used to be that establishing a patient's sanity took months. That's all changed thanks to the Marvin Monroe Take-Home Personality Test.

Prove me wrong, kids! Prove me wrong!