Please let it be Harambe. 

It was Abraham Lincoln:

How is this any different than Deadspin agreeing to squash that big story on Oddibe Mcdowell in exchange for exclusive access to his water bills?

Remind us again who the cops are looking for.

“Ugh! Saw-ree. I di-unt think it was hurt-ting enny botty?”

Thanks for posting. I will remember it's Romeo, not Detroit.

Freshman year of college me and my roommates went out trying to bond. 6 of us total and I was the only black girl, four of the girls are white and the other girl was EA trans racial adoptee w/ white parents. They went on and on about all the shit they used to steal and from where. I was quietly listening, and then one…

I’ll drink to that.

The colonizer/gentrified “discovered " the topiary dog.

Les Miserables would have been a lot shorter if Jean Valjean would have just explained that he didn’t know the bread was a sentimental item.

Well, Wylie knows a thing or two about winning wars... Truman’s decision to drop him on Nagasaki ensured Allied victory in WWII

Papa John just hired Lamey to be his personal PR man.

“If anyone is looking for a good lawyer, I would strongly suggest that you don’t retain the services of Michael Cohen!”

First Kid Rock has always sucked.

So in your timeline Sergio Leone and Clint Eastwood never existed? 

I think it was completely accidental. Saying Urena hit Acuna on purpose would imply the Marlins had an actual plan in place.

Jordan...

The French Riviera of South Dakota, the Ibitha of Nebrathka.

“The day they mixed the white meats and the dark meats in buckets was the day our country lost something we can never, ever regain.”