What is awesome? It's a start menu with light there and gigantic tiles. There is nothing awesome about that. Lipstick on pig applies to this update.

Tell that to the people standing in line to get a Popeyes sandwich.  

Hell I booood myself when I woke up this morning and I wasn’t Frank Ocean. 

I’ve seen but never eaten homemade crackers. They made them on The Great British Bake Off once as a technical challenge. But making your own crackers is a waste of time, energy, and resources. I know a lot of basic carbs are laborious to make and the store bought versions are usually good enough. But fresh bread and…

Time to put down that vape, champ!

Amen. Bring back catchphrases! Wendy’s* was a classic and let’s not forget “Time to make the donuts.”

before the baby was born I had some pot two or three times a week 

I would gladly pay a The Athletic-type subscription fee to Deadspin if it guaranteed me a weekly segment of this stupidly perfect show.

You’re spot on with a couple points. You’re absolutely right that there’s a distinction between (for lack of a better word) “scandals” that resonate and don’t regarding Obama and Clinton. I’d gently point out that one was at some (very low) level a legit wrong (hey Hillary, just follow protocol, ya know?) while the…

Gravity finally gets its sweet revenge on Newton. 

Dude should study Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Plays fall apart; the line cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the field,
The opposing rush is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity and stolen crab legs

They probably weren’t getting alot of page views.

Dodge is trying to figure out how to put that in a Challenger. Stretch that platform another 50 years.

The mid 80s Mets are still the most arrogant baseball team I’ve ever seen. It was like Vinnie from Queens was caller 666 of the morning to the FAN and his prize was having a team that was equal parts Reaganomics, Gordon Gekko, the Wolf of Wall Street, and Jay McInerney. Tim Teufel was one of the low key guys on that…

This read like a article in an anthropological journal about some uncontacted tribe in the Amazon. 

If there’s one thing we as readers (me included) should do, more often, it’s tell all of you how much we enjoy your contributions to this site, to other projects (like D&JAM), and to our lives in general. Deadspin has been a daily stop for me for ten years now, and it’s because of the great content this site has…

I second this. Roth is one of the best contributors to this site (and this, too, is worth mentioning), and his stuff is spot on, 100% of the time.

Roth, I gotta say: you’re my favorite contributor on here.

In [gag] defense [retch] of [convulse] Phillies fans [projectile vomit]: