This chonky cat makes me Remember late-era Andres Galarraga. Thank you for this laser focused sports content.

“If what has happened is a memory and whats going to happen is a thought, you’re taking yourself out of right now. So in that case, every hour is happy hour”- me to a completely empty bar and a visibly uncomfortable bartender at 8am on a Tuesday

A few years ago, a friend of mine threw a 30th birthday party for her husband, complete with a bunch of gag gifts from people. Including a bunch of gas station dick pills. As the party progressed- and I continued to get drunk- another friend and I started taking them. I probably had 5-10. He took at least that many.…

So I have a story.  A local gas station had sketchy ass dick pills for ages but one day brought in the topper.  Something from Thailand called STREE OVERLORD that had an incredibly graphic illustration of Ryu fucking Chun Li.  Like, it took pains to show his dick and balls in mid penetration.  Graphic.  So I tried to…

This moment was sort of a synecdoche for the O"s entire game today.

Ooh that slider so scandalous
And you know another catcher can’t handle it
So you throwin that thang like who’s the ish
With a look in yer eyes so Yu Darvish
Uh

Story time! When I was in Little League, the only player required to wear a cup was the catcher. I played 2b and SS, and never wore a cup because of how uncomfortable it was. I like my dick free to swing around and stick to my thighs! Anyways, due to two or three players getting injured, I got thrust into emergency…

not just sports media; the New York Times itself spent all of 2016 hyping butter emails

My guess is Barstool fans have a pretty nuanced take on union advocates in sports. I’m guessing they think of Andy Messersmith as being a team-first, scrappy and hustling labor man as opposed to Curt Flood and his athletic, showboating, individualistic take on worker’s rights. 

Milan, Michigan (not the one in Italy, as is commonly mistaken)

Holy shit!!! He’s 39!!??!! I’m 45 and unless I just completely let myself go, I don’t look as bad as he does. AND I DRINK A LOT!!!!!

it would absolutely whip ass if this guy was eaten alive by a bear or something

Well, let’s break it down:

I think you should go easy on yourself. It’s hard to keep up with all the creeps in this world. Under every other circumstance this would have been a cool thing to cover. You’re not omniscient.

Watching the CFL is basically like watching football from an alternate dimension. Everything is familiar, but just a bit off. 3 downs instead of 4. 12 players instead of 11. 110 yards instead of 100. 1 point plays. Everyone is called the Roughriders.

Joule thief!

Is your child current on his tetanus shots? 

Truman, you can Carter off to jail, but Grant me this: If you just Fillmore prison cells, it won’t solve anything. It would be-Hoover to reform her ways, so we should Taylor the punishment to the crime.