Fuck, man. Not even a token “NO MAGARY IM NOT WRITING ABOUT THESE FUCKS” from ZMF this year. It’s like Christmas without Santa.

As a Blues fan and child of the 90s, the Wings were the friggin’ boogyman to me. They were like Thanos come playoff time - “Dread it. Run from it. Destiny arrives all the same.”

GO BLUES! War Checkerdome!

I liked ESPN Zone! Day-drinking, sports-watching guilty pleasure.

I’m extremely excited and overconfident about the Blues this year. They will definitely, finally, win the Stanley Cup. Now I just have to wait for my annual reminder that no, we can’t have nice things.

Masseuse in Green Bay could very well be the least erotic job in the country. God, you really have to be out of options to get into the practice of kneading the backfat of that population of total goobers. Telling yourself that it’s worth hearing all the “oh gaahhhd and oh craaap that’s good” because their constant…

Yeah, I get what you’re saying, but as a hockey fan who came of age when the first two rounds were Smythe/Norris/Adams/Patrick division battles, I kinda like the notion that the playoffs start with intra-division blood feuds. If anything, I wish there were more divisional games during the regular season and greater…

Eli Manning Dislikes:

I do not understand how it’s possible to draw a pair of dice—something practically every living person on earth has seen, held, and could describe in perfect detail—that badly. I’m an awful, awful artist, and I could draw dice better left-handed, blackout drunk, on a crashing subway. This is the GOAT of bad dice…

I do love me some garlic fries though.

I am TOTALLY having sex. With my girlfriend, of course. But you don’t know her. She lives in Canada and only can visit at times that would be inconvenient for you to meet her.

The best all-around player I’ve ever seen is Ken Griffey Jr. Without roids, no one would put Bonds ahead of him.

I know the ol’ Eye Test is supposed to be a bloated old relic, but I could tell by front half of his third season that Wiggins just wasn’t going to pan out. Just watching him game after game (Wolves fan, I’ve seen things...), you just couldn’t tell what exactly he did out there. He doesn’t seem to excel in anything,…

Like most situations in life the most likely answer is everyone is the asshole.

Yeah. I’m 34. I haven’t *made* a new friend since at least 2010.

I picked “Sheila is a Punk Rocker”

“But if the worst-case scenario does happen and Davis just walks away for nothing in 18 months, the Pelicans won’t have won anything.”

4 seasons vs living in a swamp with ‘WHO DAT’ sister fuckers doesn’t seem like much of a decision to me

“I just want to blame my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for getting us here”

I don’t want to be that guy(actually, I do, being that guy is fun) but the franchise history includes Otto Graham and Bernie Kosar regardless of what the NFL says.