Snakes in hats? My favorite thing. Snakes in toilets? FUCKING NOPE.

For real, if that came into my house? Well, it wouldn't be my house anymore. That house belongs to the spider.

Jesus christ, Eisen!

People can be horrible :(

I quit ballet when I was 15. I was quite serious, with hours of classes several days each week, and had danced from age three.

Read the comments from the link in the story. It's even worse than I thought it'd be.

I flummoxed my very Catholic mother when she said something about animals not having souls when I was quite young. I wasn't being contrary when I asked "how do you know?" but legitimately curious. She sputtered before conceding she didn't.

She's from Canada; you don't know her.

ME ME! I READ IT TOO!

Best of luck, and I look forward to reading your work wherever you write it.

Best of luck, Tracie!

But if you or Hubby phrased it as "I'm going to play penis tag and rub my happy place on that girl's bathing suit area," that'd still be a nope, right?

Definitely the best tag ever.

I haven't, but now I will!

Even illustrated by Quentin Blake!

Eeek, can you imagine that following you around forever?!

AOL and chat rooms were becoming popular when I was in high school, and we all know that talking to strangers on the internet is the worst thing in the world and very dangerous...but I'd totally go to friends houses and we'd use chat rooms together. My mother does not know that to this day. She would shit herself. …

Big as pumpkins until midnight!

And one day later, you're back to normal!

Same. And I'm glad that the internet wasn't A Thing quite yet.