Garbage people are all over the internet.

If you’re the type who needs a lavish wedding that you know you can’t afford, you’re the type of person to go into sick debt to pay for it.

I used to lie in bed wondering whether I had locked the front door or not, invariably climbing out of bed and checking so I could be sure. I started announcing it out loud, to nobody as I live alone, but out loud nonetheless.

But didn’t you used to bullseye womp rats in your T-16 back home?

I have never been to a Chuck E. Cheese. 

I run my car through a gas station autowash every two weeks or so. I’m lazy and this keeps it clean enough to be respectable. But most people around here take a hose to their car just about every weekend.

Here here. When I hit the sack, I turn the thermostat down to 60. I want to make damned sure it doesn’t cut out during the night, because that alone can wake me up.

Lady Anti Monkey Butt powder

Miamian here. Since there really is no way to stay cool without AC, I’ll save this advice for the next time there’s a hurricane that takes out power and the air conditioner with it.

How is Dodgers security... this bad?

It’s called “security theater” and you see it in airports all the time.

For sure.  Either that or Election Night Special.  

RELATED: Don’t feel guilty for having NO children, never. Parenting is not mandatory. Bearing children is not mandatory.

Angela Sheridan-Hunt Ash

You know who’s thinking of our freakishly tall future children?

THEY GOT A PEPPER BAR!!

Yet it’s about the only thing anyone remembers about that chain. From an advertising perspective, they kinda struck gold.

If you’re high enough, anything tastes great.