Unruly fan Vinny Cantone, of the Bronx, ponders whether he has somehow acquired the power of suggestion, and offers to buy Scott a pair of glasses and cane.

This is a goddamn outrage. This has NO BUSINESS on my Deadspin page. WHAT IS HE THINKING? Dale, what am I supposed to tell my kids? How am I going to explain this to them? They look at athletes and, yes, umpires, as ROLE MODELS and now you go about taunting this in my face. Dale, it's "Mike and me." It didn't seem…

Police knew Thigpen by his failure to complete the short drive.

I see very little proof.

The Managers Waltz is an utterly pointless tradition.

Speaking of Michigan bonafides, and Michigan beer, there is one in particular that Will's first paragraph made me think of:

Last time I checked, in this country they have the right to say whatever they want, Ray.

I'm a Michigander so I'm biased, but yeah, there probably is no craft brewer as consistently good as Bell's. Now, you trade that off with a little less experimentation than you might get from some other places (e.g. here in Michigan Short's and Founder's are always going to have something going a little more unique;…

He just likes big bones, that's all.

A friend I trust sent this fat dog to me.

"Rickey never kneed nobody. Rickey a loner."

Neat trick: replace "Heineken" with "Rolling Rock" and this article is no less true.

He couldn't possibly have made it through the alphabet that fast.

Look, Diana, if a stranger walked up, outta nowhere, and offered you money, like, apropos of nothing, you'd probably take it, too.

I prefer Kevin's other personas, such as "gasping for air after dancing Kevin," "owns his own defibrillator Kevin," and "cries gently at home knowing his only purpose in life is to be a sideshow at a small market hockey game Kevin."

You say he's a staple, but I see a man in need of several.

Frankly, he doesn't look like someone on fake drugs.

I'm a Cardinals fan and I wouldn't be caught dead in that shirt. Mostly because I'm white.

That volcano erupting still cracks me up.

The St. Louis Cardinals, a professional baseball franchise based in St. Louis, Missouri, compete in the National League (NL) of Major League Baseball (MLB). The new Busch Stadium has served as their home park since 2006. The Cardinals' roots commence from an earlier local team of the NL from whom they took their…