"Messi dropped a marvelous slow-motion curler"

You joke, but in my 8th grade creative writing class there was a super pretentious Jewel wannabe who wrote poetry that included the line, “Eat at my soul, the soul that lies betwixt my thighs”.

I hope these two play til 50.

I didn’t until you asked. Smelled kind of like cheesits but I can’t even remember the last time I’ve eaten those. I have stumbled onto quite the mystery now.

ABC 7 Station Manager: You need to pee in this cup.

I love how the cat doesn’t even look after knocking the tv onto his face.

Mice can take many forms. One must always be on the alert.

A three legged dog walks into a bar and says

This is why I’m a dog person.

“which means any evidence that they already had a reputation for raping or other assault is fair game.”.....actually it doesn't....I take it you have never tried a defamation case before?

I'd be happy to throw bombs here.

He’s got a point, you know. Why would you want to get into a career where you’re just going to be subjecting yourself to unyielding, unending abuse and shame?

People are going to go apeshit when she awards a first down for advancing 7.8 yards.

Oh great, now the coaches will start abusing women too.

Hockey would be a better sport for women refs. There are periods and they get to wear pads.

Ah, gotcha. In that case, here, let me help you again; you appear lost...

Truly an artful Dodger.

That's a great job avoiding the tag. You must be a Giants fan.