A lot of people are unemployed in Spain. This isn't Spain. A lot of people in Japan take their shoes off before walking in. This isn't Japan. Here, we have our own culture, which includes showing the fuck up on time.

Damn, I can't tell which came first: good writers leaving Jezebel or bad writers coming in.

Hot take, everybody. What do you charge per hour for therapy? I think I just had a free session.

And you seem over-eager to say shitty things to people on the internet. So, let's not go round and round about who's well-adjusted and who's not. Deal?

Both are hard at work and doing well. Thanks for your concern.

All set there, thanks.

Nope. I don't assume every Jezebel post is about me. Instead, I made an effort to respect women's space by avoiding some of the intimidating behaviors I've read about here. Namely:

Agreed. These types of articles and the implied advice to men they carry—"don't talk to women in public, ever"—are so detached from what I see out there in the world.

Women going pocketless is an under-addressed, silent epidemic that has infantilized us all and given us a big giant baby's purse to deal with in its stead.

Because there was clearly some provocation.

I tried to muster up some anger at the callousness of some of these comments but, alas, there's none—just a sympathetic sadness. We are talking about miscarriages, after all.

Did you mean "cognitive dissonance"?

God, I love it when these internet tiffs get mathematical. So clean, so demonstrably true. Good work.

C'mon, troll. We all know you don't date because dating usually requires a driver's license and the lack of a curfew.

I would call that an open-container relationship, actually.

Nope, nope, nope. I know the guy and he's definitely not the fame-seeking type. The Dumpster Project is a legit endeavor that has all sorts of practical applications.

One per year—they have expiration dates. So, every year on our respective birthday's, we toss the old card if we haven't used it.

Jeff Wilson did this!?!? I know that guy! As you could guess, he's a very nice, interesting person to chat with at a bar.

It's true. Every single man you know has a "toolbox of oppression" in which we keep our larger paychecks, stolen nude photos of celebrities, one get out of jail free card for a sexual assault, and, of course, our boxer briefs.

Such a tired joke but, that aside, it very probably is the case that, yes, #alltrilingualhonorsstudentplannedparenthoodactivistmissamericawinners. Seriously, I really don't think you'd find another.